Tips and such

I was at a meeting this week (one of those get-your-child-from-school-shove-food-in-your-faces-thank-your-mother-for-babysitting-and-out-the-door kind of meetings) and the outgoing president of the organization said something that really stuck with me.

To paraphrase, she said "I feel immensely satisfied with this year. I wasn't aiming for perfection - perfect isn't a fair expectation. I was aiming for progress, and I think we accomplished that."

It stuck with me, as a self-proclaimed perfectionist, that YES, IT'S TRUE, "perfect" is rarely ever a fair thing to expect of yourself or others, especially when it comes to child-raising (or just keeping your children alive on any particular day - we've all been there).

As an example, our morning routine after moving Ellen to the big girl bed has been dicey at best. We are trying very hard to enforce the "stay in your room quietly until the cow dances" rule (6:30am), but it isn't really going well. Ells typically wakes up in the late 5's or early 6's to go to the bathroom. I can't deny her that, so I wake up to the pitter patter of her feet racing down the hallway, then she goes potty, puts her diaper in the trash and gets some undies from her room. At that point she is pretty much awake, but we send her back to her room to wait "patiently". Mostly this involves singing and storytelling. She occasionally gets quiet, but today it was a full-on tap show with high heels and dress up clothes. At 6:12am. I blame this behavior on her father, a mostly-earlybird and former childhood "class clown" who believes he spent time with the principal because he was a snappy dresser and fun to be around. You see what I'm up against here?

So, again, the theme for the day is  ... aim for progress. This might involve some kind of personal nightlight / flashlight to encourage reading in bed without turning on every light upstairs. Will keep you posted.

In other news, a couple of things I think you might find interesting if you are reading on the beach or at the lake this holiday weekend, you lucky dog:

Ain't No Mom Jeans: Ten Tips for Flying Alone with Kids - now, if I could just get a vacation, we would be set.

Momastery: Whack-A-Mole - I don't read this blog often, but a few of her posts have gone kind of viral and a friend posted this on facebook. A funny, perfect, description of bedtime.

And, finally, in this graduation season - David Foster Wallace's Commencement Speech from Kenyon College in 2005. I don't think I am smart enough or cool enough to really "get" David Foster Wallace. I tried to read Confederacy of Dunces and then didn't finish. Not even close. There used to be a time in my life when I felt more comfortable analyzing literature and the arts, but this ain't that time. Nonetheless, I came across this in 2008 when the author died and thought it was worth reading. Maybe you will, too.

Worth reading

Hey! Guys! I finally read a BOOK! And, it didn't even have pictures!

I've discovered my problem with reading is that I just add it on to the end of my day, after doing all the other things I want / need to do. So - I get in bed and ponder "read" vs. "sleep" and sleep almost always wins. If I would just read at another point in the day, I think I could fix this problem. Alas, baby steps.

A friend gifted me with The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. I know I'm late to the game on this one, and I've always wanted to read it, but again I have my internal debate of "read about a dying father" vs. "sleep" and I think you can guess what happens.

I finally bit the bullet this week and was so glad I did. Yes, there were parts that made me sob (get your kleenex), but there were also funny parts and aha! parts. I generally cry at the drop of a hat, but now that I work with a lot of young people with cancer, these kinds of stories are more personally touching to me and I feel it's a more important perspective for me to have.

I certainly can't eloquently summarize the book, but I think one of the main points is to either Get Busy Living, or Get Busy Dying. He talks about the inspirations in his life - his wonderful parents, great coaches and teachers - and it was a nice reminder to cultivate those same things in your own child's life. I was also so touched by the tangible memories he left for his children in the form of notes and letters and stories and experiences. I sincerely, truthfully, honestly hope that no one I love finds themselves in a similar situation, but also - what are we waiting for? It shouldn't take a terminal diagnosis of cancer to make great memories for your children. His kids were so young, but I think every child would love to have snapshots of their childhood and funny stories, even if they have the gift of their parents to a ripe old age. For example, he wrote that Diane Sawyer suggested that he write letters to his children describing the very unique, funny things he loved about them ... not just the first steps, first tooth, but the funny crease over their nose when they laughed, or a funny joke they liked to tell, or whatever the case may be.

Take the time, don't put on any mascara, and give it a read. I think you'll be happy you did.

Mothering

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day. Our day was typical / simple, which was just right. I find that the older I get, the more perspective I have on Mother's Day as something more than an occasion for brunch and cards. I feel profoundly grateful to have the opportunity to mother my own child, and so lucky to have my mother and mother-in-law in my life. Erik and I were raised by strong, loving mothers and I am surrounded by friends who are amazing mothers. If I can take a bit of that and pass it on to Ellen, I will feel successful in this very hard and immensely important job.

I had the "opportunity" to do a lot of mothering yesterday. Ellen was up late, having a marvelous time, at a party on Saturday night and my experience predicted we would pay for it for day(s). She had a mediocre quiet time, but seemed to rally and was cuddling on the couch with me just moments before spitting in my face and wrestling me like Hulk Hogan. She was un-containable, un-consolable, un-happy. I knew she was just plain exhausted and it took every ounce of my being to try to get her to calm down.

She finally - for one of the few times in her life - just said, "I'm so tired!". And, of course, she was far beyond the point of falling asleep on her own and just begged me to help her, help her, help her fall asleep. I laid with her and scratched her back "under" (under her shirt), and scratched her head "not there, all over", and patted her back "like this, harder". She drifted off to sleep probably 8 times, then woke every time I inched out of her bed and pleaded with me again. She finally feel asleep and was an improved version of her 3-year-old self upon waking.

I felt needed, as though it was a job only I could do at that moment, and I strained to see the beauty of the moment through my tired eyes and exasperation. She is increasingly independent, in ways that are wonderful to watch, but it's nice to be reminded that she is my baby, and always will be, no matter how big she gets.

Toy overload

Again, from A Cup of Jo today, a topic I've been pondering - how to best deal with TOYS.

Motherhood Mondays: The Great Toy Experiment

I've read some similar ideas here and there over the last few weeks, then really started considering what to do with the overflowing toys because we are having 20-ish small children to our house this weekend. EEKS! I need to do a lot of cleaning, and removing of choking hazards, and then have a discussion with Ellen about what is fair-game and what she wants to put away. I was considering putting quite a bit of it away and not getting it back out?

We are fortunate in our new house to have a lot of storage space, so I feel much less that I am being swallowed by her things, mostly because I don't have to look at them all the time. Still, though, she has far too many toys, some of which rarely get played with. My approach generally is to have everything put away every night before bed. I've noticed if things are left on the floor or in piles, she'll just walk right past them the next day to get to something else. When Ellen plays with Erik, I'll often come home to a room full of things strewn all over the place. I know she has had an excellent time, but I also know that she won't pick up any of those items again to play with - she'll go and get something new.

Her favorite things to do these days are color, make piles of hoarded items, and occasionally play in kitchen or vet. That's about it. That also leaves about 89 toys in her play room  and big girl room that languish on the shelves.

How do you deal with this?

Safety first

Interesting article on playground safety and not sliding down slides with your children. I swear I know someone this happened to, but can't recall the details ....

A Surprising Risk for Toddlers on Playground Slides

Paper bags

This is really the prime of excitement, folks. Brace yourselves.

Miss Ellen has been keeping herself occupied all week making "puppets" out of brown paper lunch sacks. She colors all over them, assigns them to friends and family, and makes piles of her "favorites" and "not-so-favorites". I even had to make a special trip home to make sure the bags and markers were packed in her overnight bag for a sleepover with the grandparents.

I wish I could take credit for this creativity, but the truth is that this must be all daycare. I've had the bags sitting in my pantry for ages and it never would have occurred to me to pull together this (simple) project. I consider myself a reasonably creative person, but I just can't get it together to do crafty things with Ells. Pinterest, be damned. I think there are a lot of positives that daycare adds to her life, and certainly the crafty / artsy / outdoorsy / adventure stuff is a lot of it.

By the way, I have the paper lunch sacks not because I am packing lunch in them, but because I use them now to make microwave popcorn. It is totally the best thing ever and very cost effective. Popcorn is a favorite treat around here and I hated the thought of the weird chemicals in microwave popcorn for Ellen, plus I don't think it generally tastes all that good. I usually would make it in a pot on the stove with a little olive oil, but let's face it, that requires cleaning a pan.

Now, though, this is perfect:
- take a regular old brown lunch sack
- add some popcorn kernals to the bottom, maybe 1/4 to 1/3 cup.
- don't add any oil or anything
- fold over the top of the bag a few times tightly to keep the steam in, but keep the fold small to allow for plenty of room for the popped corn
- don't staple unless you want sparks and/or fire
- set the bag standing up in your microwave and run it 2-3 minutes, however long your popcorn usually takes. Listen for the pops to slow down.
- Warning: I think I bought the cheapest brown bags ever and sometimes the steam gets the bottom of the bag wet and it tears, spilling some popcorn / kernals. Oh well.

That's it! A perfectly popped, whole grain snack. And, then you can add melted butter and/or salt and/or maple syrup and not feel (so) bad about it.

Status report

One week into Project Big Girl Bed and all is well. Ellen has slept there every night (naps / "quiet time" typically dicey) and once in bed, hasn't really gotten out. Her mornings have actually been great - sleeping until "the cow is dancing" almost every morning, and even late some days! Well, if you count late as 6:37-6:42am, which we do.

The falling asleep has been more of an issue than I anticipated. She says she "can't fall asleep very well!" and has required lots of visits to her room for reassurance and prompts to count sheep or lay quietly or some such thing that sounds non-sensical when recommended to a 3-year-old. We are trying to avoid a lot of hair scratching / back rubbing / general coddling as it is so much easier to do now that she is so close and not behind bars! :)

Our major point of enforcement has been for her to stay in her bed from the time we put her there until we come in her room in the morning to get her out. So far, so good. One morning I did wake to her little feet running down the hall, but otherwise she has been generally compliant. 

Also, I'm realizing that we are just about one year out from The Potty Party! It seemed pretty easy at the time and in retrospect, totally was. We've had so few accidents or issues since that time - hard to believe I was ever resistant to the idea. She is still in diapers at bedtime, though has been out of diapers at nap for probably 6 months. She wakes up dry several mornings a week, but not enough to contemplate undies at bedtime. I'm not pushing it and would certainly rather have diapers than wet sheets to deal with in the mornings.

How to move a toddler to a Big Kid Bed

Ok, you should totally take my advice.

It goes like this:

- Spend quite a bit of time pondering the decor of your child's Big Kid Room.
- Decide on what bed fits best aesthetically, then Google till your eyes bleed and you find a great price on said bed.
- Wait for a Groupon to get a good deal on a mattress.
- Move.
- Set up the bed in the Big Kid Room say, oh, at least 6 months before you need it.
- Be entirely wishy washy about the whole process. (Everyone says to keep your child in their crib as long as possible, but turns out, you won't know anyone who kept their kid in the crib as long as you did).
- Avoid your child when he/she asks when she gets to sleep in the Big Bed.
- Stall, stall, stall.
- Randomly, over about a 3 month time frame, try to enforce "quiet time" in the Big Kid Bed. If you are lucky, your child might fall asleep once. Or twice.
- One night, when your child is so sleepy they almost fall asleep mid-sentence, decide on a whim that it's a good night to try the Big Kid Bed. At your child's (groggy) insistence, of course.
- Cross your fingers, lament the lack of a night light and bed rails, and fall into bed yourself.

If you are EXTRA lucky, your husband will wake you up at 5:15am (not intentionally, of course), and then you won't fall asleep again until about 6:51am. You got to stay in bed until 6:51am because your child slept in late until 7:00am for the first time in, oh, 114 days. But, then you get up and praise your toddler after what feels like 9 total minutes of sleep.

Rinse and Repeat.

Acting on a whim is not in my nature, but I do have a tendency to over-think things (ahem) and sometimes you gotta just go with it. Ells woke up, so proud of herself, and asked if she could do it again every night. I told her I would think about it. :)

Pay off

You know when you're in the midst of making dinner, fighting the Easter candy battle, stepping on toy fragments and generally up to your ears in parenthood?

And then - THEN - you find yourself smack in the middle of one of those moments that makes it all worth it?

I mentioned that we were going to try reading chapter books and it has actually been a success. Ellen loves to snuggle up and listen and generally pays attention, though the reading comprehension isn't all that great. :) We started with Matilda by Roald Dahl, which is one of my all-time favorites from childhood. She likes the story (after some editing by me) and I found the old movie on TV this week and recorded it.

Ellen got to watch a bit before bed tonight ... she snuggled up in my lap, asked lots of questions about the nice people and the mean Mrs. Trunchbull, and I generally LOVED every second of it.

I accept your apology

Just a brief note to say we've entered a funny developmental stage - frequent / appropriate apologies.

Ellen clearly now understands the idea of an apology and can (mostly) apologize for the offending behavior. She is quick to apologize, even for things that I'm not upset about.

Now ... if we could just get her to avoid the offending behavior in the first place, we would really be onto something.

Read all about it!

I'm into books these days. Oh, not for myself - who has time to read? (she says sheepishly...), but for Miss Ellen.

I love the hunt of tracking down an obscure / great / new-to-us book and feel giddy when she loves it just like I thought she would. There are a lot of duds in this search, to be sure, (I'm looking at you "A Chocolate Moose for Dinner" - so dated), but definitely some diamonds in the rough from our typical library plunder.

With Easter baskets on the horizon, I find myself searching Amazon for something great to add that isn't candy. Oh, there will be candy - the girl is a fiend for jelly beans - but I like to add other treats, too. (The Betty Bunny books are fun, if a little naughty). And, truly, I'm always trying to find that little something extra to get my basket over $25 for free shipping - aren't you?

So, this year I'm approaching chapter books. Whoa. We're probably a little early for this, but I never would have even considered it without coming across this post on Pinterest. Aaah, Pinterest - how you've changed my life. From Sarah Jane Studios - Chapter Books for the Younger Kids. Some of these books are definitely for elementary age, but read the comments, too, and you'll see some suggestions for younger kids.

We have a copy of Matilda by Roald Dahl - one of my all time favorites - and Ellen loves paging through it and there are just enough illustrations to keep her interested. I sent my niece a Roald Dahl boxed set two years ago for Christmas and she loved every bit of it, just like I did. My heart almost burst with pride!

So ... we ended up with Junie B. Jones for a newer option and Pippi Longstocking for an older option. Maybe we'll try Matilda and Stuart Little, too. We'll see how that goes ...

Also, a few other sources for good kid books that I might have shared before:
Dinner A Love Story: Fave Five (updated periodically)
Design Mom: Picture Books
Daily Candy - All Time Favorite Kids' Books

There are other lists on Pinterest - search for kids books. And, this is fun too:
We Give Books - a free online site for reading books online (flip through the pages on your computer and read out loud).

And, I know I've mentioned this one, but Barnes and Noble adds a new book to their storytime site every month and Ellen loves "watching" them. Good if you need a break, not that you ever do ...

Slacker

Gah, sorry about the lack of posting.

I have nothing of merit to write, except that my mother reminded me about "springing forward" this weekend. That's just rude, daylight savings time.

So ... I wish you luck. That is all.