Hospital List / First days home

There a lot of different sources on hospital lists for mom / baby. I kind of obsessed over our list the first time, then never really packed a bag, and honestly can't remember what we cobbled together to bring to the hospital. Whatever it was, it was fine.

This time, it felt like a different experience because I knew the date and time we would be arriving at the hospital (most likely) and I knew there wouldn't be any labor and delivery time and that I would be recovering from a c-section. So, perhaps a little different ...

In case you care, here is what my list included for a repeat c-section, with some notes about the ultimate usefulness of these items:

Bag for Baby
Bag for Dad / Significant Other
Bag for Mom
(lots of bags, but helpful to have stuff separate and easy to find / bring in from the car when needed. Also, stuff accumulates at the hospital - good to have extra packing room coming home.)

Baby:
Two cute swaddling blankets (never used)
Going home outfit (brought a preemie outfit and a 0-3 month. Ended up with preemie choice for a 7lb baby)
Couple of kimono style shirts and pants (never used)
Baby hats (never used, just used hospital provided)
Boppy (left in the car, never ended up bringing it in)
Breast pump (had ready at home just in case. Ended up using hospital grade pump and a kit of parts they provided)
Gift from baby to older sibling(s) if you want
So ... sounds like baby doesn't need a bag.

Dad / Significant Other:
Whatever he throws in!
Changes of clothes, toiletries, extra charger(s)
Extra pillows for mom and dad with patterned pillow cases to keep separate from hospital

Mom:
Plastic folder / envelope for papers (super helpful. Brought insurance paperwork, hospital directions, copy of advanced directive. Placed all the various paperwork that accumulates during the hospital in one place to bring home)
Robe (didn't use. I'm not a robe person and didn't start now)
No-skid socks (didn't use, had flip flops instead)
Nursing tanks / bras, breast pads (used all of the above - brought Large tanks, could have used XL to account for engorgement. Got lanolin from lactation consultant)
PJ pants, nursing tops with short and long sleeves (I wore my own clothes on day 2 after I showered, was nice to have short and long sleeve options depending on room temp)
Toiletries (lip balm, good smelling travel shampoo, spare toothbrush and toothpaste, hairbands / headbands, extra contacts/glasses/eyedrops, face cleaner wipes). I had packed with spares of most everything and threw in a few essentials at the end. The face cleaner wipes were so nice when I couldn't get out of bed. Wish I brought hand lotion and a small mirror.
Makeup (never used)
Gum - may help with digestion / gas
Going home outfit - just wore the same thing I put on the morning we came to the hospital. Comfy and black, seemed slimming, though not so much.
Underwear and pads - I made sure to get undies that came up over my incision and brought my own thinner pads
Camera / chargers / batteries (we just ended up using our iPhones, so easy! We had 2 chargers, which were in frequent use. Plugs aren't all that convenient in hospital rooms - I read somewhere about bringing a short extension cord, which we didn't do, but you could)

Ahead of time:
Get a pedicure / manicure (I almost never treat myself to this, but it was nice to have pretty  hands and feet when the rest was, well, not so pretty)
Put a waterproof crib pad under the sheets on your side of the bed in case your water breaks
Treats for the nurses - 2 batches for day and night shifts. If it's homemade, bring the recipe! We had awesome nurses and the first time we gave them some cookies before we left, but it's nice to have the ability to plan ahead to bring something. They all commented on how nice it was and I'm sure we would have had great care anyway, but it's nice little insurance. :)
Baby-tracker app for phone. I was an obsessive note-taker with Ellen and now I use the "Eat Sleep" app for iPhone and it fulfills all my note-taking desires. :)
Baby books - read up on sleeping or feeding or whatever it is that you've gathered. I always think I'll have time after baby is born, but it quickly falls to the bottom of the priority list. I have a lot of books, but this time around I skimmed Baby Wise and The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems.
Check on your vaccines, especially for fall / winter babies: flu shot for everyone who will be around baby regularly and TDAP booster if you need it.  

Things to have on hand at home:
Since you won't be getting out anytime soon, grab these things before you deliver:
Slippers to have at home if you don't have any
Some zip up or button up tops that are big enough - just got a few fleece jackets from Old Navy
Extra lanolin - one tube for upstairs and one for downstairs if you need it. Use it EVERY time you nurse / pump
Extra pump parts - have everything on hand and sanitized, including bottles. I pumped much earlier this time than the first time and it was nice to have everything ready to go
Milk bags for freezer if you are breastfeeding (in case you pump - hang on to that stuff!). I think Lansinoh are easiest to use. 
Vitamin D drops for baby - recommended if breastfeeding
Pump hand sanitizer in any room you think you'll need it. I'm not generally a germaphobe, but I am with a newborn in RSV / flu season
Gas X for mom - I don't remember this from last time, but my gas pains in the hospital and at home are almost as bad as my incision pain. Tums / antacids won't work.
Miralax if things aren't, ummm,  moving (especially if you are taking pain meds)
Pacifiers if you think you'll use them, perhaps a few types (see my pacifier try-out post here). Ellen always liked the Nuk, but started out with the green Soothies pacifier from the hospital. We never got one (or even saw one) this time, and I had the Gumdrops pacifiers at home, which Georgia prefers.
Some kind of swaddle system - blanket / Kiddopotamous SwaddleMe (what we use) / Miracle blanket (have heard great things). I feel confidant swaddling with a blanket in the daytime, but I get nervous that blankets will get loose overnight.

Be aware:
My hands, wrists and feet were CRAZY swollen. I don't remember this the first time, but I also didn't get so many fluids prior to surgery because it was semi-emergency. My doctor suggested it's those first few bags of fluid you hang on to for a while.
If you have carpal tunnel in your pregnancy, it lingers for awhile. Like, almost 3 weeks later, my fingertips are still numb. 

Empathy

I should really just change the name of this blog to "Go Read Dinner: A Love Story". They had a great post today on the importance of being empathetic and how it relates to bullying during Bullying Prevention Month. I love many of their recipes, but their book recommendations are just as spot-on.

Here is the post: The Importance of Being Empathetic
(be sure to read the comments, too, for some more recommendations, especially for younger kids)

One of our great friends recently recommended Wonder and I've been meaning to read it. Well, when I start reading again. Which is certainly not a reflection on the subject matter, but, well, you know ...

Also, it seems pretty timely at our house as I've noticed that Ellen seems to really be noticing differences in people around us when we're shopping or running errands or whatever ... the older girl with Down syndrome at the park or the adult with dwarfism at Costco. As a genetic counselor I feel that I should really have a better response to these sorts of things, and I DO feel confidant in having discussions with her about differences in people, but it's the caught-in-the-moment that I'm struggling with a bit.

Also, if you're interested in this sort of thing, you might find another blog interesting - This Little Miggy Stayed Home. I found her blog a couple of years ago from some other blog (isn't that always the way) when she was pregnant with her second daughter who was found to have limb differences prenatally. Admittedly, I find this kind of thing more interesting than most people, but she is a good writer (and crafty!) and it's nice to follow their daughter's achievements. Further, she started a semi-regular feature - the Special Needs Spotlight. Again, I find this interesting / important from a work perspective, but it occurs to me that it also works from the "teaching empathy" perspective. Many of the mothers comment on reactions to their child and how they wish people would react. Worth noting ...

So much ....

So much time, so little to do.

Wait, reverse that.

(Willy Wonka, anyone??)

Anywho, we gots a lot going on, just like, oh, everyone else I know.

I came across this post on my very favorite Dinner: A Love Story, which you must already be reading because I post about it all the time. Just in case, though ...
How to Nurture Talent (Without Being a Psycho Parent)

I would like to read this book (someday when I start reading again) and I must say that a quick skim of the article rang true to me about the "pay attention to what your kid stares at". Ellen participated in dance this summer - 1 hour and 20 minutes of tap, ballet and an art project. We dropped her off every Saturday morning for like 9 weeks and weren't allowed to watch, so I have no idea what transpired there. We would ask her how dance was, or to show us what she learned, and she never engaged. (The first rule of dance class is not to talk about dance class). She almost never talked about it outside of Saturday mornings, though did comment repeatedly on the art projects she brought home. I asked her if she wanted to continue for the rest of the year or if she would like to try something different ... she thought art class sounded better. :)

(We are not enrolled in art class, but that is a story for another time).

Also, to bastardize a quote I read (sleepily) last night in Parents Magazine, "behavior is the language that your child is most fluent in". Totally caught my eye and seems totally true to me. I am the parent of an EXTREMELY verbal child, but even still, I think most kids express their core desires / wants / needs in behaviors and I need to do a better job about reading into the meaning behind the whining. See a similar post here from Motherhood Uncensored about The Other Side.

Eat this!

My mother-in-law got us the Eat This, Not That book for kids. Not in the "you-need-help" kind of way, but in a "knew-you-would-enjoy-this" kind of way. She's good like that. While a lot of it is common sense, and we eat at very few of the chain restaurants they profile, I still thought there were some good tips - a few of which I'll share!

I was pretty much of a food nazi before Ellen was born regarding what I planned on her eating. That continued for most of her first year - I made almost everything that went in her mouth, most of it organic, and she was a delightful eater. I loosened up quite a bit as she started eating meals at school, by necessity and to avoid rocking the boat too much, and have continued to loosen up. Did I think I would share my secret stash of gummy bears with her? No, but it can't be avoided and, really, what's the harm in a gummy bear or two?

Again, I think common sense prevails: we eat most meals at home, cooked by me, and she eats virtually anything I put in front of her. She is willing to try almost any new food and that is just as important to me as feeding her healthy food (which I do). We eat out with family or friends once a week or so, and she gets a special mom-daughter lunch every now and then, which is fun and fine. She doesn't notice if I order her green beans instead of fries, but she also gets to sneak a few fries from someone else's plate. She is a snack-lover, and I try to make healthy choices (beyond fruit or veggies, of course). She eats a lot of organic food, but not everything.

Here are some things I found interesting:
- Chick-Fil-A got the award for America's Healthiest Chain Restaurant for Kids. Politics aside (which I do struggle with, damn you waffle fries), a chicken strip, fruit and milk is a pretty decent "treat" lunch.
- Chipotle is surprisingly less healthy than I would have thought. Crispy steak tacos? Yes. Soft chicken tacos? Not nearly as healthy. No cheese or sour cream, of course, is what they recommend. Boo.
- Dairy Queen strawberry sundae has 260 calories and 7g of fat and the sauce's first ingredient is strawberries, as it should be. This is a lot better than a milkshake, though maybe similar to a Blizzard. We don't often get to DQ, usually opting for FroYo, but I do love me a dipped cone.
- I don't ever get to Jamba Juice, and frankly am not even sure we have one near us, but I guess they have an All Fruit Line of smoothies just like I would make at home.
- Krispy Kreme: If we eat donuts, we go to our fave local place. But, the book says that the sugar donut at KK has less sugar than any other donut on the menu. Who knew?
- It's funny how I rationalize fast food that Ellen eats. She has never had a meal from McDonald's, though has eaten at Chick-fil-A plenty of times. The small vanilla cone at McDonald's is a great treat for kids - 45 calories, 1 g fat, 6 g sugar. Go ahead, get one for yourself, too. The Egg McMuffin is also a pretty healthy breakfast in a pinch, as far as fast food breakfasts go.
- Ellen was begging for Panera this week. I usually get her the kid meal with a turkey sandwich, but a healthier choice is the half chicken salad sandwich on wheat bread. Bonus - Ells would eat this!
- The Wendy's single hamburger with everything (minus mayo) is one of the healthiest fast food hamburgers. 

For grocery store items:
- We usually buy the Nature Valley granola bars because I think they have the fewest "weird" ingredients. Surprisingly, the Clif Kid organic chocolate ZBar has less calories, less fat and more fiber. Seems counter-intuitive, but Ellen would be THRILLED to get to eat this.
- Most other grocery store items are as you would expect - watch for hidden sugar and calories, whole wheat over white, etc, etc. We don't buy much packaged food, but I must say that I really do like regular pasta vs. whole wheat. Sue me. I bought a loaf of white bread from the bakery this week for meatloaf sandwiches (the only acceptable method) and Ellen hardly knew what it was.

And, for the pregnant among you, if faced with a a vending machine at work: Nacho cheese Doritos have fewer calories and about the same fat as a bag of cheese Goldfish. Go for it. :)

I also read a good tip somewhere this week - The mother's rule was that her kids had to ask her before getting any snack, but they could have a piece of fruit (or veggies I suppose) without asking. The path of least resistance is also the healthiest!

Worth reading

Hey! Guys! I finally read a BOOK! And, it didn't even have pictures!

I've discovered my problem with reading is that I just add it on to the end of my day, after doing all the other things I want / need to do. So - I get in bed and ponder "read" vs. "sleep" and sleep almost always wins. If I would just read at another point in the day, I think I could fix this problem. Alas, baby steps.

A friend gifted me with The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. I know I'm late to the game on this one, and I've always wanted to read it, but again I have my internal debate of "read about a dying father" vs. "sleep" and I think you can guess what happens.

I finally bit the bullet this week and was so glad I did. Yes, there were parts that made me sob (get your kleenex), but there were also funny parts and aha! parts. I generally cry at the drop of a hat, but now that I work with a lot of young people with cancer, these kinds of stories are more personally touching to me and I feel it's a more important perspective for me to have.

I certainly can't eloquently summarize the book, but I think one of the main points is to either Get Busy Living, or Get Busy Dying. He talks about the inspirations in his life - his wonderful parents, great coaches and teachers - and it was a nice reminder to cultivate those same things in your own child's life. I was also so touched by the tangible memories he left for his children in the form of notes and letters and stories and experiences. I sincerely, truthfully, honestly hope that no one I love finds themselves in a similar situation, but also - what are we waiting for? It shouldn't take a terminal diagnosis of cancer to make great memories for your children. His kids were so young, but I think every child would love to have snapshots of their childhood and funny stories, even if they have the gift of their parents to a ripe old age. For example, he wrote that Diane Sawyer suggested that he write letters to his children describing the very unique, funny things he loved about them ... not just the first steps, first tooth, but the funny crease over their nose when they laughed, or a funny joke they liked to tell, or whatever the case may be.

Take the time, don't put on any mascara, and give it a read. I think you'll be happy you did.

Pay off

You know when you're in the midst of making dinner, fighting the Easter candy battle, stepping on toy fragments and generally up to your ears in parenthood?

And then - THEN - you find yourself smack in the middle of one of those moments that makes it all worth it?

I mentioned that we were going to try reading chapter books and it has actually been a success. Ellen loves to snuggle up and listen and generally pays attention, though the reading comprehension isn't all that great. :) We started with Matilda by Roald Dahl, which is one of my all-time favorites from childhood. She likes the story (after some editing by me) and I found the old movie on TV this week and recorded it.

Ellen got to watch a bit before bed tonight ... she snuggled up in my lap, asked lots of questions about the nice people and the mean Mrs. Trunchbull, and I generally LOVED every second of it.

Read all about it!

I'm into books these days. Oh, not for myself - who has time to read? (she says sheepishly...), but for Miss Ellen.

I love the hunt of tracking down an obscure / great / new-to-us book and feel giddy when she loves it just like I thought she would. There are a lot of duds in this search, to be sure, (I'm looking at you "A Chocolate Moose for Dinner" - so dated), but definitely some diamonds in the rough from our typical library plunder.

With Easter baskets on the horizon, I find myself searching Amazon for something great to add that isn't candy. Oh, there will be candy - the girl is a fiend for jelly beans - but I like to add other treats, too. (The Betty Bunny books are fun, if a little naughty). And, truly, I'm always trying to find that little something extra to get my basket over $25 for free shipping - aren't you?

So, this year I'm approaching chapter books. Whoa. We're probably a little early for this, but I never would have even considered it without coming across this post on Pinterest. Aaah, Pinterest - how you've changed my life. From Sarah Jane Studios - Chapter Books for the Younger Kids. Some of these books are definitely for elementary age, but read the comments, too, and you'll see some suggestions for younger kids.

We have a copy of Matilda by Roald Dahl - one of my all time favorites - and Ellen loves paging through it and there are just enough illustrations to keep her interested. I sent my niece a Roald Dahl boxed set two years ago for Christmas and she loved every bit of it, just like I did. My heart almost burst with pride!

So ... we ended up with Junie B. Jones for a newer option and Pippi Longstocking for an older option. Maybe we'll try Matilda and Stuart Little, too. We'll see how that goes ...

Also, a few other sources for good kid books that I might have shared before:
Dinner A Love Story: Fave Five (updated periodically)
Design Mom: Picture Books
Daily Candy - All Time Favorite Kids' Books

There are other lists on Pinterest - search for kids books. And, this is fun too:
We Give Books - a free online site for reading books online (flip through the pages on your computer and read out loud).

And, I know I've mentioned this one, but Barnes and Noble adds a new book to their storytime site every month and Ellen loves "watching" them. Good if you need a break, not that you ever do ...

Best idea I've stolen this week

I still don't have our Christmas decorations up. Is it bad that I am dreading it? Yes, I think it is. I really do LOVE having a decorated house, and I love having the tree lit in the evenings when it is dark outside, I just don't like putting it all up. Or taking it down. This year, in particular, I am challenged with a new house and a new layout and no idea where to put things. Oh yeah, and no money for new stuff. Crafty holiday time at our house!

One idea I will be stealing, though, is to add a basket of all our holiday books by the tree for reading. We have tons of winter / Christmas / Santa books that I don't really know what to do with for the rest of the year. If you really had your act together, you could wrap each book and unwrap daily as an Advent activity. I don't have my act together (see above).

Also, while we're on the Advent topic, my sister-in-law sent us this awesome advent computer activity thingy. (My description is so appealing, right?) It is Jacquie Lawson's London Advent Calendar - you can see a demo on her website and it is some inexpensive fun. The animations are really charming and it doesn't really matter if you start it late!

This is fun

You can download a free kids' album of music HERE: Original Friend by Lunch Money. They are a Grammy-nominated band and, I guess, sharing the fun!

I found them via Design Mom and she has a fun interview with Mo Willems today - love his books!

Randomness ...

Milestone: today marks the first day that my darling little girl climbed out of her crib for the first time. THUNK! She is okay, and I knew this day was coming ... she has been testing her climbing skills in there for weeks. "I just wanted to swing, mama ..."

Reading: (do any of you read for fun anymore? I hate to tell people that I haven't read a book for pleasure since my last vacation, almost 1 year ago. Barf.) I heard about this book today on our local NPR show - Uncle Dan's Report Card: From Toddlers to Teenagers, Helping Our Children Build Strength of Character with Healthy Habits and Values Every Day (a mouthful!). I think the basic idea is that the authors have written some parenting books and do some local parenting activities in KC, then came across an uncle's report card from 1914 and were fascinated by the emphasis the school district put on the partnership between the school and family on all sorts of manners/habits/behaviors (brushing teeth, saying please and thank you, being respectful ...). They are piloting some of these activities in local schools - sounded interesting.

Skills: I read the Sesame Ellis photography blog. Rachel Devine is the photographer and she has 3 beautiful children. Plus, they live in Australia and once I saw her on House Hunters International - love that show! Today she released Click! an eBook on How To Take Gorgeous Photos of Kids. I haven't seen it yet, but think I'll get it for $19.99 - far cheaper than any photography class!

What sort of random things are you up to today? I also bought shampoo (2 big bottles to 1 big bottle of conditioner - i think I'm finally outsmarting the system), recovered a chair and organized my freezer. Do I win?

Desperation, thy name is tired Mommy

I think I've alluded to the fact that our daughter has become a grade-A terrible sleeper. If I'm being objective, which is really hard, I think it was a cumulative effect of moving + busy parents + lapsing into bad habits + being 2 1/2 years old.

Nonetheless, we have slowly found ourselves in a situation where she naps maybe once or twice a week on the days she is home, stalls stalls stalls and goes to bed late, and continues to get up early. I used to be shocked when she DIDN'T nap, and now it was the exact opposite. I thought she was really going to give up her nap and I was preparing myself for a future of "quiet time".

I talked with our Parents as Teachers educator and she confirmed my feelings that Ellen really wasn't getting enough sleep. I think kids her age need like 11-13 hours of sleep total per day, and a few days a week she was getting maybe 9. Kids get sleep deprived very fast - within probably 2 days - and we were seeing the results of that. Boy howdy.

We have been pretty lucky with the tantrum situation - lots of sass and back talk and pouting - but generally we can redirect without much issue. Last week, the terrible sleep situation resulted in a crazy child at bedtime that appeared almost possessed - shaking with anger, hitting, throwing things - it was awful. And sad. I think she felt out of control and we felt out of control without knowing how to fix it.

So, back to the books for Mama. I pulled out our Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child book looking for ANY solution. I really wasn't even focused on naps, but needed to get her bedtime situation fixed. Thank you, page 325, and your Sleep Rules!

You can read the basics on Sleep Rules and Silent Return here.

This is actually very similar to the plan we used for potty training, though there is a consequence for not following the rules. Ellen responded SO well to the potty training rewards that I had high hopes (to say the least).

Prep: I made a trip to Michaels for poster board and reward trinkets / stickers. I didn't want to reward with food and totally lucked out by hitting the super clearance section of summer goodies and school goodies. I got enough rewards to fill a big box for less than $20 (art projects, chalk, bubbles, stickers, school supplies, notebooks ...). I also got some Disney princess stickers which have been a HUGE hit. We don't do much princess talk at our house, but I think they do at school and Ellen has been chatting about her princess friends. (In fact, she yelled about wanting Ariel for a long time during the tantrum from hell).

I happily talked up a group art project when Ellen saw me come home with bags of goodies. She helped me draw the 'Ellen's Sleep Rules' poster and decorated it herself. We talked through the rules and the prizes and consequences. (Follow the rules = sticker on poster, prize from box. Don't follow the rules = no sticker, no prize, no TV/iPad.)

Night #1: Bed prep as usual (books, jammies, brush teeth, into bed). I was tempted to add all these steps to the poster, but refrained. We picked a place for the poster in her room so she can see it and we talked about which princess sticker she would like to put on the poster in the morning. She repeated the rules for us and was in bed at 7:30pm, quiet by 7:35pm. This was a no-nap day, but still was the earliest she has been in bed and been quiet in FOREVER. She didn't wake at all during the night, and woke up at 6:38am, after the cow was dancing. Hallelujah!!

Nap #1: I was hopeful, yet doubtful, about how this would work for naps. We followed the exact same steps - in bed for nap about 1:45pm, up to go potty, lots of chatting in her bed, then eventually quiet at 2:45pm. I did have to go up a few times and to help her to potty, but never talked to her. I woke her at 4:30pm because I didn't want her to sleep too late, poured on the praise, and rewarded her.

She was generally a delightful child all afternoon, which is frankly a change from our recent experiences. So nice!

Night #2: I knew she wouldn't be tired for our ideal bedtime of 7:30-8:00, but she was in bed by a little after 8:00 and probably quiet by 8:35pm. Again, a huge improvement.

As an aside, this is part of the problem. When she naps, she tends to fall asleep around 2ish and would sleep until 430 or so. This clearly is too late to then be tired enough for bedtime. The solution is either to have her nap earlier, which is really a challenge, or to skip nap and do an earlier bedtime. I honestly think we are heading in that direction sooner rather than later - quiet time instead of nap, but it might make for a much more pleasant evening.

Nap #2: So-so. She did nap, but it probably took her an hour of talking before she fell asleep. I can't remember if she woke on her own or if we woke her, but she did sleep and was rewarded.

Night #3: She went to be really late, about 9:00pm, because we had dinner with friends, but she went right down and slept all night. She did wake up about 6:15am hollering, so I went in and told her she needed to be quiet until her cow was dancing. She didn't go back to sleep, but did get quiet until about 6:32am and then I went to get her and she got her rewards.

Nap #3: Best nap yet! She was probably kind of tired from a shorter night of sleep than usual, so she was in bed at about 1:30pm and asleep by 1:50pm. She slept almost 2 hours and was a pretty happy camper the rest of the day!

Night #4: Didn't go down as well as the previous nights. Along with the rest of the changes, I took all the crap out of her bed crib (probably 17 things) and make her choose only 2 items (dolls / loveys) and she gets a blanket for covers. We had to exchange some of the items back and forth, then she had to potty, but she was asleep within about 30 minutes of getting in bed.

All in all, I'm totally happy with how this has worked. I made a lot of changes all at once, which my behavioral analyst friend would not agree with, but I NEEDED things to get better. Whadda you know? They did. :)

In the book, Mark Weissbluth talks a bit about the difference between rewards and bribes, as well as the role of consequences. You can read it for yourself, but basically he says it is fine and it works. Also, that your love and kisses are not enough to change the behavior of a strong-willed toddler, so you may need back-up.

His idea is basically that your child will eventually become so proud of themselves that the rewards will kind of phase themselves out. This is exactly what happened with potty training for us, so I'm hopeful this will be the same. I have made a point to talk about how proud of Ellen I am to her, as well as our family and friends, and she gets a big smile on her face.

Awwww, still love that girl. :)

For your list

I found this list of great children's picture books over at Design Mom. We have read a lot of them, but certainly not all.

I'm going to print the list and add it to our library bag ... I find that I'm always wanting to seek out good books, but I never have a list, so I resort to choosing by covers. Sometimes this works, sometimes not (i.e. the book we brought home about dying dogs).

Then, I am also usually chasing Ellen through the chapter book section as she pulls books off the shelf and says, "I big now, Momma. I read this book. I big. I big like you."

Here ya' go - happy library-check-outing!
Design Mom's Top 50 Picture Books

I love me some Tina Fey

Sorry for the radio silence ... this potty training business is exhausting, on top of vaca-recovery and just general life-ness. I haven't paid this must intensive attention to my daughter since our first days home from the hospital and I think we are both tired of each other. :)

That being said, thanks to my friend Julie for giving me a laugh today via my friend (I wish!) Tina Fey. I know you've heard about her new book, Bossypants. I hope I can find some time to read it, and actually, maybe I can now that I am the owner of an iPad! Yessssss.

Back to the topic at hand .... Tina Fey's "The Mother's Prayer for Its Daughter":

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her

When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Let's check it out

Get it?
Check out?
Books?

Yep, we've finally made it to the library. I'm totally a slacker, as my mom is a former librarian and is still on the library board, but we just hadn't made it there. I feel like I checked out the infant story time and it didn't work with our schedule, and then I guess I just forgot about it.

Fast forward and story time is now on my day off, so we have been a few times and Ells is really getting into it. She loves to wander the aisles and pick out books to bring home, and these books are SO much more popular than the ones we already own. Of course.

I let her help me scan the books and get the receipt. We only had minimal trauma the first time we had to bring the books back, but now I think she gets the concept of "borrowing."

She did, however, rip a page out of one of the borrowed books. She has only done this about 3 times ever, so of course it had to be in a book we didn't own. Now we do own it, though, so if your child wants to rip a page out of a library book, make sure it is one you like!

When you are stuck inside .... for days

A friend posted this on Facebook the other day and I think it is genius:

www.barnesandnoble.com/storytime

Type it in, and you should come to the kid's storytime page, with a different story each month (I think).

Generally speaking, I don't agree with the concept of farming out book-reading to strangers; however, I think this is a more educational use of screen time, and it is a novelty for the little ones.

Someone else knows the Pinkalicious story? Amazing!

The current story is Pinkalicious, which Ellen loves and I am growing to despise. There are some good old stories, too, if you look in the archives - a fun way to spend part of an afternoon when you can't go outside for fear you will lose your child in a snow drift.

Play Pin-cess, mommy?

I previously mentioned my unease with princesses.

I don't recall that I ever went through a princess phase, though admittedly my memory is crap. I think most little girls go through a dress-up / fancy dress phase, though I think when we were children the number of princesses was much smaller (i.e. Cinderella - DONE), and most certainly the Disney marketing machine was nothing like it is today.

Miss E really doesn't talk about princesses yet, but I know that day is coming. She likes to wear tiaras and jewelry, but that is the extent of the dress up so far. I want to have an appropriate response when the princess train roars through our house ...

So, to my point, do any of you get Parents magazine? There was a nice article this month (which I can't find online) called The Power of the Princess. It includes an interview with Peggy Orenstein about her new book, Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches From the Front Lines of the New Girly-Girl Culture.

I certainly can't summarize the book, but one of the main points is that a lot of parents try to avoid princesses at all costs, only to miss the fact that traditional fairy tales often highlight young women who are resourceful, clever, humble and who show strength of character.

Her advice?
1. Tell the fairy tales. Find a version you like and read it together. Movies aren't bad, just consider supplementing with different versions of the story.
2. Don't limit girly things. It's OK for your daughter to love Barbie and dress-up, but give your daughter tools to build a treehouse or fort or castle for her dolls. Encourage a variety of interests.
3. Give your girl choices. Instead of always saying No, figure out what you can live with (princess-wise) and let her choose from those things.

How have you addressed this?

Can I buy you a gift?

I just wanted to say a big THANK YOU for all of your thoughts and tips regarding the sleeping situation.

You (collectively) really are the best.

I wrote the last post a few days before it posted and, wouldn't you know it, I had already formulated some plans by the time the weekend rolled around. Your thoughts helped encourage me to move forward!

So, in no particular order, this is our current approach:

1. Kept the ghetto black out shades. They are not helping with naps, but have at least helped us avoid the issue of light outside at bedtime.

2. Moved back bedtime to 7:00pm. As a few people posted, there are some theories about moving bedtime UP to get a later wake-up time. I think a lot of this comes from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, which I am a big fan of. Truth be told, though, Girly's bedtime just simply could not be moved earlier than 6:30pm. That would have been ridiculous. I made the decision to just bump it back by 30 minutes (instead of gradually) and to give it a whole week before I judged whether it was working. (Did I already mention that we had kind of toyed with this earlier and I didn't think it worked? I don't think I gave it a fair try.)

3. Added a little pillow to her crib. In true ridiculous fashion, I was rushing around on Friday evening cutting up an old pillowcase and hand sewing a new pillowcase because I was convinced it would help.

4. I downloaded an Ocean Waves for Baby CD from iTunes. I have a tiny iPod stereo that I put in her room and play the ocean sounds continuously all night. (The iTunes reviews said this is a great choice because there aren't any seagull or boat sounds, just waves. Never would have occurred to me to check.) It is good white noise.

The scientist in me would say that I should have tried each approach on it's own to see if it worked. But, in my desperation, I just decided to throw all the spaghetti at the wall and see what stuck.

So, what stuck?

Saturday and Sunday mornings were a slight improvement, but Monday and Tuesday mornings were almost blissful. She slept until 6:45 and 6:30am and I practically had to physically restrain myself from going in and checking on her to make sure she wasn't dead.

Granted, we had a really busy weekend and her naps were sub-par, but I am hoping for a positive trend.

The best outcome of all is that, this morning, she clapped and laughed when I came to get her out of her crib, instead of screaming bloody murder.

I had missed those morning babbles and they are oh. so. sweet.

Love and Logic: Take Two

I had my second class last week and continue to find the tips and pointers very helpful.

The theme of the class was "Teaching Kids to Listen - the First Time"

Paraphrasing here, but we talked about not getting your kids addicted to warnings. Your child will always come to need at least the same number of reminders and warnings that you give them. If they know there isn't a consequence until the 3rd warning, they won't comply until the 3rd warning. And, if you teach them that at home, that is how they will behave at school (speaking as the sister of an elementary school teacher).

They also discuss the idea of 'affordable mistakes'. You want your child to make mistakes when they are young so they have the opportunity to learn from them. Crashing a tricycle is an 'affordable' mistake, crashing a car when you are 16 is not. The ultimate goal is to teach your child self-control and give them the ability to make good decisions because they can think through the consequences.

Lastly, we learned about the "Uh-Oh song", which is a time-out technique, of sorts. Hard to summarize here, but an interesting idea. I also found it interesting that they stress that you shouldn't explain what your child did wrong when they are done with time out. By doing that, you are insinuating that they aren't smart enough to figure it out for themselves. (For little ones, they still don't need a re-hash of the event, but you can make it a teachable moment: "Next time you want my attention, use your words", for example). Also, not to demand an apology. If your child complied with the time out (the consequence), asking for an apology just sets up another power struggle. Give them a kiss and a hug and an I Love You and move on with your day.

I'm no expert on Love and Logic - just summarizing when I've learned. Quite challenging to put in practice in your own home - it is mostly controlling your own responses to your children and thinking before you act (ALWAYS easier said than done). As with any parenting advice, you have to take some of it with a grain of salt, and adjust it to your child's temperament, but it's intriguing so far.

I think the Love and Logic gurus, Jim and Charles Fay, travel the country teaching seminars. There might be one in your area. Or, your local school district or parent organization might host classes from time to time. Since our program is through Parents as Teachers, it focuses on early childhood. The corresponding book is Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years.

Maybe you will find some of it beneficial in your home, or for your sanity!

Omnivore

Our Girl is really eating up a storm these days! Despite a little hesitation on her part initially, she now whole-heartedly devours her meals. It brings us both great joy.

She has been eating 3 meals a day since about 7 months of age - now about half a cup of food per meal. I still have trouble finding guidelines about how much she "should" be getting, but she seems satisfied.

We are on to almost all finger foods, although she still gets fruit purees mixed in with her morning yogurt. Mainly because it is much easier for me to thaw 2 cubes of fruit and mix it with yogurt than to chop up a bunch of stuff for her to eat. I'm trying to store up some frozen plums and peaches/nectarines for the Winter months, since apples and pears and bananas get kind of boring.

I really waited to introduce meats until after 9 months, mainly because I thought it would be annoying to prepare and I thought she might not like it. I was wrong on both points.

My first meat attempt was to broil a chicken thigh and shred it very small for her. While it was very simple to cook, the shredding was irritating. I have a major fear of her choking and stringy meat was just too much.

So ... on to other recipes. I found some great ones at Nurture Baby that she really likes. I had a whirlwind weekend of cooking and made the Baby Bolognese, the Gobble Me Up Turkey, Lovely Lentils, Pork Chops and Applesauce and Vegetable Lasagna. She loves it all! And, it truly all tastes good - I would eat any of it.

Since she eats larger portions now, I froze everything in muffin tins. She can eat a whole portion of pasta for a meal, or I'll split the meat between two meals. My mother-in-law gave me a VeggiChop and it works GREAT for meat. I had used it some for fruits when she would eat them a little chunkier, but it shreds meat perfectly in small bites. A blender or cuisinart would puree the food too finely, I think, and she isn't quite ready for very small cubes.

On a related note, I am becoming much more aware of food issues as they relate to children. I love food, I love cooking and it is becoming increasingly important to me to pay attention to what I am eating and where it is coming from. I try to buy local or organic when possible, especially for Girly, and I really try to buy seasonal food (so, sniff sniff, then end of tomatoes and corn and all manners of tasty fruit is right around the corner).

The idea of "school food programs" is especially worrisome to me and something I am learning more about. They aren't all bad, but GOOD is also not a word I would use.

Here are some resources and websites that I find helpful / interesting:
Eat Well Guide: search for local farmers markets and sustainable food resources
Raising Foodies: this is a fun blog from a Dallas-based mom who is trying to get her girls to eat foods that don't come from boxes
School Lunch Talk: good updates on the status of school lunch and related legislation around the country
The Lunch Box: resources for healthy lunches - aiming to create a "tool box" for schools
Slow Food in Schools
Better School Food

Also, if you are at ALL interested in food and/or the environment, you should read The Omnivore's Dilemma. I am way late to the game on this one, but I had been reading about the book forever and finally picked it up. Truly eye-opening. I am by no means perfect when it comes to eating and the food we bring into our home. I have a serious weakness for fast food and french fries. BUT, I am paying attention and that is a good start.

Praise, Lying and other stuff

One of the benefits of traveling for my job (2 1/2 hours in the car, 2 days per week) is that I am now a fully certified, card-carrying, lover of NPR.

There is really only so much "morning DJ" one can listen to.

Now, I feel a lot more informed about a lot more things. I used to have time to read both Time and Newsweek every week, and now? Not so much.

So ... the latest ... I heard this interesting interview last week:
Parenting Tips: Praise Can Be Bad; Lying is Normal

The author, Po Bronson, wrote NurtureShock, the title of which refers (in a nutshell) to the shock a new parent receives when they realize that knowing how to raise a child isn't totally innate.

I rushed out to get a copy of the book and finished it this weekend. (As framework: I love to read and I have completed about 2 non-baby books since the Girl was born. Sad, but true).

I really recommend this book. The science geek in me found the research fascinating, but it is written very well - very readable and not too science-y. I am the first to acknowledge that authors can bend research studies to fit their point of view, but I thought the general themes of this book made a lot of practical sense. More that that, while it is based in science, there are definitely usable points scattered throughout.

I read tons of baby books before and immediately after Girly began living in our guest room. They focused on sleeping and eating and schedules primarily. Now that I feel we are more comfortable with this parenting thing (mind you, comfortable, not experts - far from it), the books are gathering dust.

I found that NurtureShock addressed some of the new fears of parenthood that are lurking on the horizon - discipline, language development, schooling, and raising a generally well-adjusted, happy and non-sociopathic member of society.

Give it a whirl.

I even got out my highlighter and everything.