Wisdom (teeth)

We have had a several week run of 5am wakings. In conjunction with only 1 hour naps, this does not make for a happy mom or a happy Girl.

Sunday evening was really the topper. To bed at 6:45pm, up from 1:30-3:00, then for good at 5:15am. Ouch. Girly was crying from her bed at 1:30 and, instead of waiting to see if she would go back to sleep, I went to rock her a bit. She instantly fell asleep in my arms. I put her back in her crib after about 5 minutes ... and ... let the crying commence. (As I stood up with her from the chair, she started tapping my shoulder as if to say, "Umm - scuze me - I am comfortable here - sit your ass down.")

I was lamenting to a friend about the up-all-nightedness and she asked about teeth. Teeth? Oh yeah. Those. Didn't occur to me in my middle-of-the-night momnesia stupor.

She has been chewing on her hands and everything in site for weeks, but I hadn't seen any teeth on the brief inspection Girly will allow. Then today, what do I find? A MOLAR! I surely didn't think we were ready for those. She only has 4 upper teeth and 2 lower, but I guess the tooth fairy doesn't ask which ones you want next.

(Here is a little chart about tooth eruption, not that we have followed this pattern).

So, Motrin is our friend again. I can't say that this is the sole cause of the early waking. (It started before the time change, which I thought would help things, but alas has not. ) We have fostered some behavioral component by getting her out of bed at 5:15am to come to our bed so we can catch 7 more minutes of sleep. I know we could and should leave her in bed to figure it out on her own, but sometimes sleep wins.

I am also experimenting with black out shades for her naps. She naps better at school than at home, which is crazy to me. A few variables to consider,though: 1) it is darker in her school room than in her bedroom, and 2) there is a peer pressure component when the room is filled with other sleeping children. I have resisted black out shades for an unknown reason. I guess I thought I didn't want her to become dependent on almost total darkness for napping. In reality, though, she almost exclusively naps at school or home, so it isn't a big deal. And the thought that I might be able to count on 1 1/2 or 2 hours of napping is just SO APPEALING.

I should have known better about the teeth ... the last time her sleeping was so disrupted teething was definitely the cause. Let this be a reminder to you. Also, as my friend said, there just must be something about the smell of a mom's neck that makes teeth feel better.

Wish I'd heard it sooner

Rookie Moms is one of my frequently-checked blogs. They have all kinds of good stuff on there!

I've copied one of their recent posts below. You can find the original here. Good advice, me thinks!

The best advice Ryan and I got during our first days with Julian came from a source that I can no longer remember, perhaps the pediatrician who made rounds in the hospital. It was this:

Babies need to go from 0 to 10 on a daily basis. A sleeping baby is at 0 and may spend most of his day that way. At 10, loud and incessant crying, your baby is also doing his job. At 0, 1, and 2, you probably feel like a pretty good parent, while at 8, 9, and 10 you assume you are doing everything wrong, your baby is in terrible pain, and wish that someone, perhaps the real mother of this baby, would come show you what the problem is.

Remember this scale, rookie moms. Your own baby’s crying is surprisingly difficult to endure. And it’s not because you’ve been reinvented as the most empathetic person on the planet or because you are so completely bonded with your baby. It’s because the sound is blood-curdlingly horrific and you know that no one else is responsible. Whatever the problem is, it’s yours to solve.

There might not be a problem is the point, however. It might just be your baby’s daily visit to the number 10. Rock her, change her, shush her, swing her, feed her. Even put her down in her crib and leave the room. Hey, for some kids, that works!

Remember this tip, pregnant readers, so that when your baby is at 5, 6, or 7, you can maintain a little perspective and save some energy for the rating of 10 that typically arrives around 4 or 5 pm.

Toddler and preschooler moms, are you still reading? Here’s my advanced patented theory of parenting: Your walking, talking child also needs to go from 0 to 10 on a daily basis. That’s why he’s hyperventilating over a light switch that you flipped on when he wanted to DO IT BY MAH SELF! He’s just exercising his ability to get to 10.

Maintaining perspective for the preschool set: When your kid is bouncing off the walls with glee, rolling around in the laundry you just folded, and hurling plastic tractors down a slide toward other kids, at least it is a happy 10. Isn’t it more pleasant than a tantrum about getting in the car seat that forced you to brace your knee against your child’s torso while you buckled him in? What? I do this to my daughter on a regular basis.

Find some positive ways to help your child get to 10 every day, to run around like a maniac; to jump on a pile of pillows, stuffed animals, and scarves; to throw rocks into water; and to scream “HOORAY!” and “POOP IS FUNNY!” loud enough for the neighbors to hear. Then hope that you’ve bought yourself another day.

It's good to have reminders

This job is hard.

Mommying is hard. Daddying is hard. Parenting is hard.

Harder for some than others, for sure.

Easier days and harder days and easier days and harder days.

Worth it? I will say, resoundingly, YES. But, that doesn't mean it is easy.

I have had a couple of reminders lately about how hard it can be for other parents, and how fortunate and thankful I am to be in the 'less-hard' category.

In a random, round-about way (isn't that always how it works?) I came across Enjoying The Small Things. It is a blog written by a talented photographer whose second child was born a few weeks ago and just happens to have Down syndrome. Her description of the birth story is very touching and so honest. From a professional perspective, I appreciated the insight into what so many of my patients feel. I am acutely aware that not every birth story is filled with rainbows and balloons. Also, though, there are moments of beauty in every birth, despite the unexpected. If I ever find myself in a similar situation, I hope I would be a fraction as gracious.

And this morning on the Today show, a story about a little boy Girly's age who was left unattended in the bathtub and drowned. He has miraculously recovered. Sheepishly, I admit my initial reaction was disgust - how could a parent do that? leave their child unattended? in the BATHTUB? But after a moment, I realized that no parent does that intentionally. It was an accident. I hope and pray that I never find myself in this similar situation, but why couldn't it happen to me? I am no better and no worse than any other parent who is trying their best.

I guess this is a long-winded way of saying ... no parent is perfect. I think we all try to be, but can anyone ever reach that goal? I am in awe at the friends and patients I have who meet seemingly insurmountable challenges in their daily lives as parents. To me, they seem perfect, although I'm sure they wouldn't say that themselves. And, those brief moments I have where I think to myself, "I would never do that!" ... don't be so quick, Missy. You today, me tomorrow.

Today, I vow to do my best.

And, tomorrow?

I'll try again.

Bye bye B

Goodbye B.
You were such a friendly pacifier. We all loved you dearly and you served us well. Alas, your time has come. We no longer need you. Farewell, friend ...

We took the cold turkey approach at the suggestion of many friends. It worked well with the bottles, but the addiction to the pacifier seemed to be so much MORE. I suppose we are like most parents who think, "sure, lots of kids are addicted to the pacifier. But our kid? She must be the MOST addicted of all time."

We had discussed which weekend might be best (i.e. anticipating some napless/sleepless days - better have reinforcements) and the Huz just decided we should do it sooner rather than later. I mostly agreed, minus the immunizations on the same day of paci-dropping. Oh well. Timing isn't everything.

It started out reasonably promising. Girly got her paci ("B") in the morning and for her shots. She had it for her nap, which just happened to be POOR. She threw the sole remaining pacifier out of her crib on the floor when she woke up crying (as per usual), so I casually kicked it under her crib into nonexistence. Before her nap, I told her: "When you wake up, we are going to throw your B's away. You are a big girl and you don't need your paci anymore". I'm certain that she didn't know what I was talking about, but I felt better giving her some kind of warning.

It was a beautiful day, so we took full advantage and went to the park after her nap. (Key #1: do something a little out of your routine to keep minds off pacis). She asked about it only once or twice all afternoon and was easily distracted. I just said, "Sorry, no more pacis. Your B's are all gone. You are a big girl and you don't need them anymore."

I had also removed all visual cues to the pacifiers (key #2). We used to keep them on the bottle drying rack in our kitchen window. The rack and pacifiers were all put away during her nap. At bedtime, we used to keep spare pacifiers in her bookcase. Now, that area is replaced with a basket of loveys and stuffed animals.

Bedtime was a little different. She got whiny and asked for her B. I just calmly told her there were no more B's. I offered her a stuffed animal instead to take to bed, which she begrudgingly took. She cried for about 15 minutes while she figured out how to fall asleep.

I told Huz that it was kind of sad. I'm clearly not opposed to crying it out - but, I felt like this was something we had forced on her (I should use 'force' lightly - she was a big fan of the paci from the start) and then took away.

The first night was great - not a peep during the night, which was a pleasant surprise since I feared she might wake up and not know how to get back to sleep. The next day's nap also took about 15 minutes of crying, and was extra sad because now, instead of just crying, she can yell out "mama, mammaa, MAMA!!!!" Ugh. Saturday bedtime was about 10 minutes of crying, then Sunday nap was just a few minutes and Sunday bedtime was just a whimper and then to sleep. Or, that may have had something to do with her fever. Again, timing isn't everything.

She continued to ask for B here and there, but we just told her "the B's are all gone" and moved on with our business. I am proud of her and proud of us. I saved all the pacifiers up in the cabinet and I was prepared to give it back to her (restricted to bedtime) if we ran in to a disaster. I'm glad I had the contingency plan and I'm extra glad we aren't going to use it.

I'll tuck away a couple of the B's for memory's sake, but I'm glad they are just that ... a memory.

Love and Logic: Wrapping it up

I finished the 4th class this week, so I pretty much know everything there is to know about disciplining toddlers.

Oh, wait.

That's not how it works.

I'm pretty sure I just have a few new tools in my toolbox and now I have to start implementing them in my own home. OH SO HARD.

Anyway - here are some of the highlights of the rest of the class:

All people, children and adults, crave control. (And I probably crave it more than most). When kids feel powerless, they act out. The more control you can give your child, the fewer power struggles you will have. So, get in the habit of giving them LOTS of choices. All the time. Obviously, only give options that you like. Give the choices before they start to resist. If you do it after, you are rewarding their resistant behavior. If they don't choose in 10 seconds, you choose for them (and even choose the thing you think they like less to encourage them to choose promptly next time). And, on those occasions where they can't choose, you can say "You got to make a lot of decisions today. This time it is my turn. Thanks for understanding."

They also talked about an interesting idea to avoid bedtime drama. I think it is aimed more at school-age children, but they say to call it 'bedroom time' and not 'bed time'. Your child has to be in their bedroom at a certain time. As long as the parents don't see or hear the child, they can do whatever they want in their room and go to sleep whenever they want. The kicker, though, is that they have to get up at the established time - 6:30am or whatever you choose to start your day. After just a night or two of staying up super late, they will figure out sleeping on their own.

You should model things you want your child to do with great joy! Eat your vegetables, brush your teeth, clean your room ... whatever. You don't specifically draw their attention to what you are doing, but let them see how happy it makes you. You can also 'narrate' the activity: "It feels so good to pick up toys because then the house is clean!"

We didn't talk much about potty training because most of the parents had little kids, but there were a few nuggets I thought I should tuck away. These aren't necessarily Love and Logic, but advice from our instructors. One, potty training shouldn't be stressful. If it is, you started too early. Give it a break and try it again. Two, more harm is done from potty training too early than waiting. And three, when your child indicates to you that they are ready, have a grandparent or aunt/uncle or friend call the child and say, "I hear you are going to be sitting on the potty. Good for you! I wanted to let you know that sometimes you might not make it to the potty and you might have an accident. It's OK. That is part of how you learn to be a big kid." (or something along those lines). The idea is that the parents are usually so excited and super positive around their child when talking about the potty, that the first time the child has an accident they might be traumatized or feel like they let you down. This way, they know it isn't a big deal.

These guys are big on enforceable statements ... using "I will" statements instead of "You will" statements. Like, instead of saying "You will clean up your room right now!", you can say "I take kids to the park who clean their rooms".
- I help children who aren't whining
- I will listen when your words sound like mine
- I will be leaving in 5 minutes. Will you be wearing your clothes or carrying them in a bag?
- I do things for kids who say please and thank you

It takes a little mind shift to address your kids in this way, but the power lies in the fact that you are eliminating the opportunity for a power struggle. Because you are describing your own actions / behavior, you call the shots.

If you live in the Kansas City area, there is a Love and Logic parenting class at Shawnee Mission Medical Center that starts April 11th - you can get info through their website.

So, how about, "I will get cookies for moms who complete parenting classes?"

Done and done.

Short order cook

When Girly wants food, SHE WANTS FOOD.

Generally, it is pretty easy for me to pull something quick out of the refrigerator to tide her over while I cook (microwave and chop) the rest. Of course, she grunts and groans until she gets what I am preparing. Dinner time is the most harried - we walk in the door from school at about 5:00 and she wants to eat at about 5:01.

Breakfast has been the easiest, with a general formula of fruit +/- yogurt +/- cereal/bread. While we started out with plain whole milk yogurt when she was bitty, we slowly transitioned to the fruit flavored YoBaby individual serving packs. Mainly because this was the choice at our grocery store - it is shockingly hard to find plain whole milk yogurt in any size. (Our store carries 1 variety).

As part of my healthier foods kick, I'm (again) paying more attention to unnecessary sugar. All yogurt will have sugar, because milk has sugar, and all fruit has sugar, but of a natural sort. I am now mixing frozen fruit with plain yogurt and it cuts the sugar in about half. I took a bag of frozen mixed berries and the juice of one orange and cooked until just boiling. (Actually, I cooked it until it boiled over and left blueberry juice all over my stove - don't do that). I froze it in ice cube trays - 1 bag made 1 tray. Easy and quick to thaw in the microwave and mix with yogurt.

Oh - we are also adding a daily probiotic (Culturelle) to help keep her healthier. The jury is still out.

And this morning, I had a lightbulb. I would serve scrambled eggs more often for breakfast, but I strongly dislike cleaning pans and I'm usually not cooking for all of us at the same time. Here is a good solution and she ate every bite (while she usually just picks at eggs).

Microwave 'omelette'

- Butter or Pam a small bowl or ramekin very well
- Add one egg, scramble with a fork
- Add some shredded cheese and a little salsa or leftover veggies
- Zap in microwave in 20-30 second bursts, scrambling in between with a fork
- Should only take about 1 min 30 seconds and is tasty! (And also very hot, cool well for baby)

Also, we have a lot of toast with cream cheese for breakfast or snacks. I don't know why it never occurred to me to do that - I just naturally think of cream cheese and bagels, but they serve it at school.

Finally, a trick I stole from a friend: give your toddler the apple core or pear core to chew on. Never failed that I would chop up the fruit into tiny pieces for Girly, and then she would whine until I gave her a 'big girl' piece. It's nice because they can just gnaw off tiny bites, where if I give her a big piece of apple, she bites off a chunk that I have to fish out of her mouth so she doesn't choke.

Fun times.

Love and Logic: Take Two

I had my second class last week and continue to find the tips and pointers very helpful.

The theme of the class was "Teaching Kids to Listen - the First Time"

Paraphrasing here, but we talked about not getting your kids addicted to warnings. Your child will always come to need at least the same number of reminders and warnings that you give them. If they know there isn't a consequence until the 3rd warning, they won't comply until the 3rd warning. And, if you teach them that at home, that is how they will behave at school (speaking as the sister of an elementary school teacher).

They also discuss the idea of 'affordable mistakes'. You want your child to make mistakes when they are young so they have the opportunity to learn from them. Crashing a tricycle is an 'affordable' mistake, crashing a car when you are 16 is not. The ultimate goal is to teach your child self-control and give them the ability to make good decisions because they can think through the consequences.

Lastly, we learned about the "Uh-Oh song", which is a time-out technique, of sorts. Hard to summarize here, but an interesting idea. I also found it interesting that they stress that you shouldn't explain what your child did wrong when they are done with time out. By doing that, you are insinuating that they aren't smart enough to figure it out for themselves. (For little ones, they still don't need a re-hash of the event, but you can make it a teachable moment: "Next time you want my attention, use your words", for example). Also, not to demand an apology. If your child complied with the time out (the consequence), asking for an apology just sets up another power struggle. Give them a kiss and a hug and an I Love You and move on with your day.

I'm no expert on Love and Logic - just summarizing when I've learned. Quite challenging to put in practice in your own home - it is mostly controlling your own responses to your children and thinking before you act (ALWAYS easier said than done). As with any parenting advice, you have to take some of it with a grain of salt, and adjust it to your child's temperament, but it's intriguing so far.

I think the Love and Logic gurus, Jim and Charles Fay, travel the country teaching seminars. There might be one in your area. Or, your local school district or parent organization might host classes from time to time. Since our program is through Parents as Teachers, it focuses on early childhood. The corresponding book is Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years.

Maybe you will find some of it beneficial in your home, or for your sanity!

Go ahead. You can do it.

I've mentioned before my concerns with school food programs, and some of those concerns are now hitting closer to home.

I made all of Girly's baby food, and while I certainly don't make everything that goes in her mouth, I try hard to at least buy things with the fewest ingredients and ingredients that I can pronounce.

When I signed up for daycare, it didn't even occur to me to ask about a food program for the bigger kids. I really didn't even know it existed for a long time - I just assumed I would pack and send her food, which was fine. Slowly, her teachers started hinting ... "You know, you don't have to bring her food. You can, of course, but you don't have to." I finally relented when she moved to the next room. It was sure easier for me not to have to pack two meals each night, and I thought there was value in her learning to eat at a table with her peers.

We are now a few months in, and I kept having these nagging annoyances. Her lunches were fine, generally comparable to what I would serve at home. Breakfasts were so-so, but snacks were terrible most days. And by terrible, I mean Little Debbie and crunchy treats that come in foil packages.

I don't think I am being a Pollyanna about this. Granted, I care more about what she eats than many parents, but I also try to be (reasonably) practical. She gets nibbles of sweets at our house, but they are generally things I have made. I don't want to restrict any food group, because I fear it will only result in a revolt at some point in the future. Moderation is key.

BUT.

She is 14 months old. She doesn't have any older siblings. We don't have those foods in our house and she has no idea what they are. She will eat anything you put in front of her. Why can't it be a little healthier?

I thought I could just grin and bear it, but then I decided I really couldn't. I avoid confrontation at all costs, but all of my complaining at home was fruitless (pun intended) if I wouldn't talk to the school about it. I nicely asked for a meeting to get more information.

The directors of her school were very nice and turns out, I was making inaccurate assumptions in many cases. Yes, she gets processed snacks, but she also eats wheat bread, and only frozen veggies, and only fruit canned in juice. There is a lot of fresh fruit on their menu, probably more than in most places. I was pleasantly surprised.

They were also very responsive to my concerns and agreed to serve cereal in her room when the older kids are having packaged snacks. I am happy with the compromise. I'm glad I said something.

I realize that it is a luxury to spend so much time pondering what my child eats. Probably 99% of the parents in the world don't have that luxury. Probably 99% of the parents in Girly's school don't care either, but that is OK. I said something because I care about my child, but I care about the others, too, and I can't help but think it is good for them all. (Don't agree with me? Ask Mrs. Obama!)

Oh, and on the way out the door from my meeting, I casually asked, "Have you ever thought about having a garden?" Oh, funny you should ask! I am now the proud parent in charge of the summer garden and pole bean teepees. Oh yes I am.

Stay tuned ... should be interesting.

Also, if you care about this topic and want a few more places to get riled up, take a peek:
Fed Up: School Lunch Project
Better School Food
Processed Kids
La Vida Locavore
Chef Ann: The Renegade Lunch Lady
Two Angry Moms
Jamie Oliver's TED Prize Wish: Teach every child about food

Also, write your legislators regarding the Child Nutrition Act at Time for Lunch. It is important. A lot of things are important right now, and there are needs everywhere. I wish people could focus more on the big picture ... obesity is a major problem and healthcare costs will bankrupt this country. Sooo ... am I the only one who sees the obvious connection to what we feed our children and the importance we place, as a country, on healthful food? Maybe I am being Pollyanna about this, but that's the way I see it.

Off soapbox.

Don't Engage

I am participating in a Love and Logic class through my Parents as Teachers group. I had heard a lot of good things about this 'theory' from teacher friends and thought it was time to put a bit more thought into our discipline strategy.

True, our Girl is a little young at 14 months to benefit from all of this, but better to start early. I think.

My take away from last night:

1. 'Go Brain Dead', i.e. 'Don't Engage'
When your child is nagging or throwing a fit, you need to go brain dead so you don't go crazy. Respond in a calm, soothing, repetitive voice. "I know .... I know .... I know .... I know". The idea is that pretty soon they'll just tire of you not giving in to their wishes, and in the future, will know they can't get a rise out of you.

2. 'Empathy, then Consequence'
A lot of Love+Logic is based on empathetic, loving responses to your children, along with making your child take responsibility for misbehavior. When your child misbehaves, you must respond with empathy and true sincerity. "Oh! How sad ...." or "What a bummer!" Your child needs to know that you care about them and recognize that they are upset. Then, the consequence. "Oh! How sad! You dropped your cup on the floor so now you can't have anymore milk." You are the good guy and the consequence is the bad guy.

I like the sound of it.

My homework is to start putting these things in to practice. We don't really have tantrums at our house, but the whining is increasing. The most maddening thing to me, right now, is the repeated flinging of the sippy cup with secondary spilling of milk. I've responded in a calm way, in an angry way, in no way ... none of it seems to work.

Today we started the "Oh! How sad!" approach. I'm sure she doesn't get it yet, but hopefully will begin to understand with repetition on our part. And, it makes me feel better to have an approach.

As our instructor said, you can't always control your 2 or 3 year old. You CAN control your response to them.

Good advice.

Yep. That again.

Oh, let's discuss naps again. Just for fun.

Remember when we tried to go from 2 to 1 naps? And then when we went right back to 2 naps?

We made our first attempt at dropping the nap around 11 months. She was napping poorly to sporadically, and was also making the switch from the Bunnies to the Bears room at school. It was very hard to entertain her for multiple hours in the morning, and after 3 weeks of effort, I decided to revert back to the 2 naps. (Especially after my scientific mommy poll revealed that most of my friends had toddlers who still took 2 naps).

I was encouraged that maybe our Girl would continue to take 2 naps, and maybe even longer naps once she started walking!

Ummm ... not so much.

Our Girl is an excellent sleeper at night, and used to be a wonderful napper before starting daycare at 12 weeks. I believe that daycare really messed with her napping, or perhaps she just evolved into a poor napper, but that is what she is. I've learned (am learning) to deal with it.

I had a lot of trepidation about her move to the big girl room at school, mainly related to the single nap and sleeping on the cot. She really adjusted pretty quickly and was consistently taking a 1 1/2 - 2 hour nap at school within about 2 weeks. Far better than she ever did in the baby room. (Again, I underestimated her and was pleasantly surprised. When will I learn?)

So ... at home, she continued to take 2 decent naps for about a month. Then, ever so slowly, her naps got all wonky. Because she is an early riser, she was taking her first nap from about 8:30-10:00, then her second nap from around 12:30-2:00. Then bedtime at 6:30ish. Then, she just stopped taking the second nap, or cried and fought us until it was too miserable to stand. If you are calculating ... yes, she would be awake from 10:00a until 6:00p. And yes, god-awful.

I knew this was really the sign that she was ready to go to 1 nap. I resisted it - I thought it might be a phase - because I was really enchanted with the idea that she would continue to take 2 good naps well into her 2nd year. It finally became beyond obvious that we needed to make the switch.

About a week ago, I just kept her up through the morning nap and put her down at about 12:30, which is what they do at school. She required far less entertaining than our previous attempt, which was also encouraging. She adjusted very quickly.

We are now in a pretty good place at 14 months. I can count on her sleeping at least an hour, usually 1 1/2 hours, and on a good day 2 hours. I still would love for her to sleep longer, but she consistently sleeps 12 hours at night, so I'll take what I can get.

Hard to believe that I've spent so much time and mental energy pondering naps. NAPS! And now, no more pondering until the day she drops this last nap altogether.

Please, please ... let that be a long time from now.

I heart technology

I think this is pretty common-sensical (is that a word?) ... but, it has come in handy for me a couple of times in the last month.

Use your digital camera and Flip video to show things to your child's doctor. This might seem like a bit of overkill, but in certain circumstances, a picture really is worth 1000 words.

Our Girl had the strangest skin irritation around her mouth after eating oatmeal on three different occasions. The first time we chalked it up to lots of other things, but by the second time it became pretty clear what the cause was. I took a picture to 1) email to my pediatrician brother-in-law (perk!), and 2) document it in case it got worse over time (it didn't).

In case you are wondering, I have the culprit narrowed down to allspice. Or cinnamon. Or the combination of the two. Hmmmmm.

Also, this week we had our first experience with wheezing after many days of a cold. I grabbed our video camera to document how it sounded just in case she didn't do it at the doctor's office. (She did, of course, so we didn't need the video). I work in the medical field and think I am a little more medically-savvy than some, but I still find it hard to answer some questions: "Does she wheeze when she inspires or expires? Or both?" Ummm ... I really don't know .... I was chasing her around trying to put socks and shoes on so we could leave the house.

These are minor examples, but heaven forbid your child ever has a more serious medical issue, it could be very important. Documenting things like a seizure or a head injury could be very valuable in an emergency situation when trying to make medical treatment plans.

I know - wah, wah.

I doubt anyone would have the presence of mind to grab their camera in an emergency, but now that I have planted the seed, maybe you will!

87

No joke. This is an estimate of the number of pieces that came with the first round of birthday / Christmas toys. Accordingly, it is also the number of pieces of plastic that are strewn across our floor every single day.

No one tells you that. When you have a baby, you think your house fills up with baby gear quickly. Swing, pack and play, bouncy seat, exersaucer ... the list goes on. The toys; however, are kept to a minimum. They are containable. They come in one piece.

I actually found a "lull" in the baby-takeover of our house around 6-9 months ... our Girl wasn't old enough to strew things about, but she had outgrown a lot of the big gear. Nice.

At 12 months, though, an explosion!

Mind you, these toys are well-loved and played with every day. (Multiple times a day). I just wish we could fast forward to the part where she picks up all of the pieces (with regularity).

I have always bought books for gifts - good on so many levels. I recognize now, though, that one of the best reasons is because they are flat and come in one piece! (A basket of books, though, is just as easy to spread across the floor. At times, part of our living room looks as if the floor was tiled with books).

So ... in no particular order ... these are the most popular toys at our house with a 1-year-old.
Buyer beware! :)

 

Melissa and Doug Bird House Shape Sorter

Put & Peek Doghouse by Manhattan Toy

*This has been a favorite for a LONG time - was shared by family. She would shake and chew on the dogs long before she could put them in and out of the house.

Alex Jr. First Snaps Building Toy

*This was the sleeper hit of the Santa gifts. It may be because she sucks on them as they were pacifiers, but she loves these little things. And, she spontaneously emptied the bucket, spread them all over the room, and then picked them all up. There is hope!

Educo Shake'n Match Shape Sorter

Rub a Dub Big Scoop by Alex

These are extra-popular for chewing on and are now an outside-the-bath toy.

Rub a Dub Dirty Dogs by Alex

Our Girl is obsessed with dogs. These are excellent for chewing and squirting water in the tub!

Discovery Toys Measure Up! Cups

LeapFrog Fridge Farm Magnetic Animal Set
* Girly loves this, but I have a love-hate relationship with the singing farmer.

Fisher Price Laugh and Learn Counting Friends Phone
(similar)

Hasbro Playskool Lullaby Gloworm
(similar)

I wasn't sure if our Girl would want a "baby" yet, but she does hug and love on this one. And stomp its belly to play music.

Fisher Price Laugh & Learn My Pretty Learning Purse

We've had this one for a long time, but it is still a favorite.









There you have it. We'll see how long these remain favorites.

Also, our Parents as Teachers gal came on Friday for our 14 month visit. She said that the amount of block play that toddlers participate in is directly correlated with a child's success in middle school and high school. (Something about math and science and the words parents use to describe the things you build with blocks - sounds good to me. ) We do have some bigger soft blocks, but no small wooden blocks ... seems those are in order, too.

So, what's that? 24 more pieces or something?

Awesome.

Turkey isn't just for the holidays

We went cold turkey this weekend on the bottle weaning.

I've hinted at our challenge getting Girly to drink milk from a sippy cup. From a bottle? No problem! The white stuff in the cup, though, throws a wrench into the works.

Our pediatrician suggested that 16-24oz of milk/dairy per day was the goal. When she was taking all bottles, it was 4 bottles per day, about 5oz. each.

After we made the full switch from formula to cow's milk, I started to drop bottle feedings and replace them with sippy cup feedings. About a month ago I gave a sippy cup for her 3rd feeding of the day (afternoon). She wanted nothing to do with it. About a week later, she took 2-3oz. of milk at that time of day with her snack. I replaced the late morning bottle about 2 weeks after our first dropped feeding, so she was left with only a bottle first thing in the morning and before bed. She still generally refused milk during the day, and really only drank very little water (which was always her pattern). So, after a month, we had only worked up to about 4oz. of milk total during the day from a sippy cup. PLUS, I noticed she was really sucking down the first and last bottles, so we gave her a little more at that time. She was just shifting the fluids around during the day.

We clearly weren't making progress toward getting rid of those bottles. I had several friends tell me, and I read several places, that cold turkey was the most efficient way of doing things.

(*As an aside, I already kind of mentioned that we have tried several different types of sippy cups in an attempt to woo her. Nothing with a valve works, and for the longest time I couldn't get her to drink from a straw, even with all kinds of enticement. Finally, she was playing with the straw from my Sonic diet cherry limeade and took a sip. She spit it right out, but that was enough for her to learn! Not ever what I would have planned, but such is life.)

Our first day was so-so .... she drank a total of 5oz of milk throughout the day. I offered it in both the straw cup and the Tilty cup, and she still appears to prefer the Tilty cup (the first cup we ever introduced). I offered her milk at all her 'normal' feeding times, as well as other times during the day. I also offered water. I bet she drank no more than 9oz. of fluid all day long. I did give her a few ounces of juice/water at dinner, to 1) try to get some fluids in, and 2) try to avert the anticipated constipation from lack of fluids. She sucked it right down from the sippy cup. Surprise, surprise.

I made sure to offer her bigger meals and snacks than usual, which she ate most of, along with dairy at most meals (especially 4oz of yogurt for breakfast). I usually try to limit her fruit (to make sure she gets the veggies in), but gave fruit at all meals, again to help with some anticipated constipation.

By the second day, she had a new tooth and a terrible cold. So, about the worst timing ever for our project, but again, such is life. Plus, if she was going to be crabby, I guess we got it all over with at the same time! She took 6 oz. of milk total on the second day, and a little bit of other liquids. She never seemed to whine for the bottle and didn't act like she missed it, but just refused the milk.

By the 3rd day, she drank 12-13oz. of milk throughout the day. So, in addition to yogurt for breakfast, we were back to the minimum on milk/dairy for the day.

A pretty painless transition, all in all, and I'm SO happy to be done chasing all those little bottle parts all over the dishwasher!

Something fun

I've been contemplating some upgrades to the decor in our house ... kind of a combination of living with these things for 6+ years and spending A LOT more time at home looking at it all. And getting tired of it.

In my search for inspiration, I've come across a couple of fun ideas for displaying kid art and family keepsakes. Maybe you'll be inspired, too?

From the February issue of Martha Stewart Living - there is a great article about Darcy Miller's "scrapboxing". It is a stylish way of displaying your child's special treasures. The pictures are best in the magazine, but you can find a lot of them here on the website if you click through. Here are a couple of fun examples:
And, here is another fun idea for family vacation keepsakes from Young House Love.


I also really like Blurb for making books of your vacation pictures. You know, so they don't live in your computer. (Also, these ideas obviously require a vacation to begin with. I need to work on that).

And, here is an idea I like for displaying your child's art. My mom says it makes your house look like a craft project, but I kind of like it.

What is your thing?

I was trying to think of something to blog about today.

The cold and cabin fever have sucked all original thoughts out of my head. I was going to post about which toys from the recent birthday and Christmas are most loved at this point (which I will still do, because maybe you are looking for ideas), then I came across this post on Clover Lane. It really resonated with me, as I find that I am probably the Mom who has not one 'thing', but many 'things'.

I've come to the conclusion about mothers and safety issues.

Every mother has their 'thing'.

What I mean is that every mother has their one thing that they are incredibly cautious, anxiety-ridden and guideline consulting, rule-book-following-to-a-tee about.

(My safety issue? I cannot for the life of me relax around water. I hate pools and oceans and lakes. I love them really, but I hate them if I have a kid who cannot swim like a fish. When I leave a body of water after an hour or two, I am completely wasted and drained of the mental (and sometimes physical) energy it takes to make sure everyone stays afloat.)

For some mom's it's choking. They cut all food into miniscule pieces for years.

For other's it's carseats. These mother's can recite the ever-changing guidelines verbatim.

For other's it's the whole stranger-danger thing. No monogrammed backpacks for their kids.

If I told a carseat mom that I have taken screaming infants out of carseats to breastfeed in the backseat on a long trip, I'd be in for it.

But if I heard that mom talk about her sitter took the kids to the pool, I'd be thinking the same thoughts in my head she just thought about me.

Remember when we were young and we ran around the neighborhood all day, ice skated on untested waters, learned to swim with no lessons, bounced around in the backseat like fools? I can attest that my mother NEVER cut a grape into quarters.

What did they worry about back then? I'll have to ask.
(original post here)

How do you get over that? Should you get over that? This TIME article on Overparenting has also got me thinking .... I don't want to be a 'helicopter' parent, and I hope that I choose sanity and sense over hysteria. (The fact that I have a mom-blog probably speaks to the contrary). Regardless, I feel like there are things I did as a child that I would never let my child(ren) do. I grew up, and still live, in one of the wealthiest counties in America with some of the best public schools.

What am I so scared about?

A cow says Moo

The transition to milk is complete.

It really was not a big deal at all, minus the delivery system. We have not yet accomplished the bottle to sippy cup transition, but are making some (tiny) progress.

I polled my mom friends and it seemed most people did some version of mixing formula and milk to get babe used to the taste. We did the same thing ... within a week we went from all formula to all milk. I actually had enough breast milk in my freezer to make it just past one year, mixing her bottles half-breast milk and half-formula. I was shocked that it lasted so long and thought we would have run out months ago, but I was happy that we were able to use every last drop.

I had been advised to only give milk in a sippy cup, because if you give it in bottles it will be that much harder to transition to the cup. This may be true, and may be contributing to our s-l-o-w progress on that front, but I just wasn't ready to tackle both at the same time. I need fewer variables in my life.

She was still getting bottles 4 times a day, so we did 3/4 formula and 1/4 milk for a few days, then half and half, then 3/4 milk and 1/4 formula, then all milk. There was little to no protest from her and within a week she would have taken all milk. I actually kept adding a little formula to every bottle to just finish out the can, and now we are completely done.

I have made a half-hearted attempt to warm her bottles less and less over time. We always warmed her formula in a mug with hot water. She would take it at most temperatures, but better if it wasn't straight out of the fridge (I prepped all her bottles the night before). We are still warming the milk briefly, and will continue to work on cutting this out.

(When she will drink milk out of the sippy cup, she prefers it straight from the fridge, so that is promising).

Also, Santa brought a toothbrush and toothpaste for Christmas. We hadn't really been brushing because she had only 2 bottom teeth, but she is sprouting lots more and it is time to start that habit. I'm not really sure about the rules on toothpaste - I think you are supposed to wait until after age 2 for the fluoridated stuff? Starting around a year, though, the mouth doesn't "self-clean" as well (according to our pediatrician), and the milk sugars can be bad for those teensie weensie toofers.

Worth noting

Just a few things that I thought were worth mentioning, in case I haven't yet ...

1. Our Girl loves her pacifier. It will be a sad day for all involved when it comes time to get rid of it, which is really any day now. I may have mentioned way back that I had read about a perfect window of time where it is (relatively) easy to get rid of the pacifier, sometime around 6-9 months. I will say, in retrospect, that this was definitely true. She had a very "take it or leave it" attitude about the whole thing. We persisted, and now she is addicted. Oh well.

Another tip from a very wise Mom friend ... at bedtime, Girly gets one pacifier. We tried really hard not to play the "replace the pacifier" game, but until your baby has the searching skills to find a pacifier in bed and put it back in their mouth, you have somewhat of a dilemma. Once she could do it herself, we would load up the crib with tons of pacifiers, and she would proceed to throw every.single.one on the floor. Then scream. So, now she gets just one at bedtime. Later in the night, I go in her room to check on her and put several more in her bed. That is it until morning, when she throws every.single.one on the floor, as if to say "come and get me!".

2. We moved up to Overnight diapers a month ago or so. We never really had a problem with soaking through, but when it happened 2 nights in a row, I knew we needed a change. Cold, wet PJs and sheets don't make anyone happy. We are using the Huggies Overnights on a recommendation from a friend, but I know there are other types. She is usually in size 3 diapers, but these are size 4 because that is all they had at Target. I don't know if they make them smaller or not. It has worked like a charm! I have also known babies who wet through the Overnight diapers. If this is the case, I guess the next bigger size diaper might work, or I think you can also buy diaper liners that go inside the diaper for some more absorbency power.

3. Sippy cups. We are struggling with the milk-in-a-sippy-cup transition. I'll report back on my trials and tribulations, but in retrospect I might have done things a little differently. There are so many kinds of sippy cups and I think a lot of kids will have a preference for one or another. I started her on the Tilty cup at 6 months, and now she does very well with it. I picked this cup because it doesn't have a valve, so fewer parts to keep track of and more like drinking from a normal cup. We also use the Take and Toss cups because that is what she uses at school, and they are very similar. (Note: if your daycare uses one particular kind of sippy cup for all the kids, ask about that earlier rather than later. I had no idea until recently. It wasn't a big deal, but might have been nice to know). My point: Girly does great with these cups if the liquid inside is clear or purple. Not white. I know this really isn't because of the cup design, but I wish I would have worked harder with her on a straw, at a minimum, so we would have more options to try at this point. She won't drink from a sippy cup with a valve or one with a soft spout. In the long run, I think this will help her drink from a real cup, but in the short run it is driving me crazy.

The end.

Transitions

The 1-year mark is quite the milestone, for both baby and parents. And, as if the first 12 months weren't full of enough change, a few more come on the radar screen about this time.

Breast milk or formula to Milk.

Weaning from boob or bottle to Cup.

Paci to No Paci. (Um, thanks, but no thanks. We'll be hanging on to this one a bit longer).

I have a plan for these changes (kind of) and will report back on my success, or lack there of, when we've made the transition.

For now, I'm focusing on the Bunnies to Bears transition.

Our Girly has been in the Bunnies room at school from March until now, and we are working on moving up to the Bears room. I thought it would be breezy since we were already familiar with the daycare process, BUT? Not so much.

This one took me a bit by surprise. I was excited for her to move rooms because she really liked being with the bigger kids and watching them play. I love the teachers in her current room, though, so it was a bit bittersweet. What I didn't anticipate, though, was the lack of control I would feel in the process.

Maybe we have been spoiled by her teachers, but we got a report card everyday with her naps, diapers, and meals. I always felt that I had a good handle on what happened during the day, and even if it wasn't what we would have done at home, I felt involved.

Now, in the interim, she starts her day with the Bunnies and ends her day with the Bears, so there is very little information about what happens during the day. I might pick her up with different clothes on, one full bottle leftover and someone else's sheets and no one can tell me exactly why. I understand that these are tiny issues in the grand scheme of things, but it is an adjustment.

Overall, I am still happy with our daycare and I think these are universal issues, not just at our place. Lord knows, 8 or 10 toddlers will mess a bit with organization. I finally let go of sending her to school with homemade breakfast and lunch because I just couldn't be the mom who sent her kid with lentils when everyone else got fish sticks. And, you know what? It makes our school prep much simpler.

I think this is a healthy transition, both for our Girl and for us. (Really, who am I kidding ... the Huz doesn't care. It's ME.) I don't want to be a "helicopter" parent. I trust the people who take care of her and she is happy when I pick her up. I want to know every little thing about her day, but the reality is that it isn't essential. I can't go back and fix the fact that she only slept 45 minutes, or didn't finish her bottle. We proceed with our evening routine just as we normally would.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Party!

Enough with the sentimental stuff. Sniff, Sniff.

Let's talk birthday parties! Specifically, planning a birthday party.

In all of my blog-reading and magazine-reading, I came across some sort of "Mom List" this year. You know the ones ... Top Ten Things I Wish I Knew, or Eighteen Ways To Be A Good Parent, or Thirty-Seven Things To Help You Be Less Crazy. The one thing that stuck with me was this: Don't make birthday parties a huge deal.

This isn't to say that birthdays aren't special, because they are, but do yourself a favor and don't create a lifetime of crazy birthday expectations.

Maybe this is easy for me to say as a person who doesn't care much about my own birthday. My birthday is only 4 days before Christmas, so it always felt like a bundled holiday. Not in a bad way, but just in a reality way. I was usually home for winter break on my birthday, so no school celebrations. I had some really wonderful parties as a child, and did a lot of special things, but I am also just as happy with a family dinner and a cake. (Just to be clear: cake=birthday). It is nice when people tell me Happy Birthday, and it is lovely when people are so generous and buy gifts, but I don't expect them and I don't mandate days of celebration in honor of my birth.

I recall one of my favorite parent-isms: start as you mean to go. If you start with a blow-out birthday bash for a toddler, you are going to end up on My Super Sweet 16 and then you are going to end up in a mental institution. I don't mean to say that birthday splurges are bad, but in my opinion, part of what makes them special is that the don't happen every year.

I think a child's first birthday is a great time to start some sweet, simple, family traditions. We had a special birthday plate as kids, and now my Girly has one. The Huz had a special spoon. (Strange, I know, but it was special). I have friends who decorate the door to their child's bedroom on their birthday, and that seems really fun.

In the blogs I read, I occasionally come across pictures and planning for kiddo birthday parties. A lot of it is sweet and creative and well-intentioned, but some is just so.over.the.top. Like a Frida Kahlo birthday party for an 8-year-old? I guess I'm not a California hipster, but seriously, you must be freaking kidding.

If you are a designer or crafty person by trade, by all means make some darling invitations and decorations for your child's party. But, please realize that you are doing those things for yourself. Your child does not feel more loved because of their party decorations. (If they do, well ... that is a different issue). I feel I can say this as someone who occasionally (ok, frequently) spends too much time and effort on tiny details that don't really matter. It was easier before I had a kid, and now I just have to let a lot of that go because there just aren't enough minutes in the day. I still worked on a few little details for our party because I wanted to, fully knowing that I was the only one who would really appreciate them. If you enjoy it, then great. If it causes stress and marital strife, forget it!

We had a nice little party with grandparents, aunts and uncles. I am ALL FOR the family party (or surrogate family if your family is out of town) for as long as you can get away with it. I also like the "number of years = number of friends" rule, again, as long as you can get away with it.

As for thank you notes, I try to be timely with the thanks yous. Our Girly clearly has no idea that a 'thank you' is in order, but I would like to get in the habit because someday she will understand. I have seen the idea to take a picture of your child with the toy and include it with the note. Or take a picture of your child standing by a chalkboard or wipe-off board with a note and the toy. Cute.

I attempted this very thing with our Girly. Attempted is the operative word. I chased her around most of the morning following her party trying to get pictures with her new loot. We eventually got passable pictures, but it wasn't easy.

Does this fall under the "making birthday parties a huge deal" category?

Probably. Damn.

Sources:
This is a fun way to decorate. Upload any picture to The Rasterbator and you can print it out in any size you want, for free. It prints in little dots and you piece the papers together like a big puzzle. Use smaller dots for a more realistic picture and larger dots for more abstract.

This is a good birthday cake, and slightly healthier than the average.

I got a custom birthday shirt on Etsy. Couldn't resist. And, we were gifted a birthday hat. It is so cute and I think I'll take her picture in it every year. (As long as she lets me, I guess).

My darling Girl

To my darling Girl,

To say that I am proud of what you have accomplished in your first year of life would be an understatement. To say that I am proud of your father and I for our accomplishments would also be an understatement. We certainly hoped that we would meet the challenges of parenting and tackle them head-on. While you presented few true challenges, we have collectively learned a lot.

It is a fleeting memory: the rolling belly, the jabs, the kicks. I remember the first few foggy weeks of your life - I would steal naps here and there and wake up thinking that I felt you moving inside me once more. I missed it then and I miss it now. What is better, though, is the way you climb all over us in the morning as if you are reaching the summit of Everest, the way you tug on the back of my pants while I am standing at the sink, and the way you tug at my heart with every giggle, sly smile, and crocodile tear.

I remember how extremely cautious I was with you in those early days - up and down the stairs so many times, so fearful of missing a step. Today, I followed you up those stairs, equally cautious, as you climbed them on your own.

I remember worrying about what I ate during my pregnancy with you, and then what I ate while nursing you, and now you delight in feeding yourself every meal and drinking from a cup all on your own.

I slept well, and then not well, during my pregnancy. While you were a wonderfully sleepy baby, we still woke up and ate, and played, and slept again so many, many, many times. Now, you nuzzle your lovey and curl up in the corner of your crib with your bootie in the air as if there has never been another way. Just before I go to sleep every night, I sneak in to your room and watch you sleeping and breathing so peacefully.

I read so many books during my pregnancy, hoping to figure out the "right" way to do this. Your Dad read books to you before you were born. Now, you spend part of every day pulling all of your books out and flipping through the pages. As a family, at the end of each day, we read books before you go to bed. I hope you always love it as much as you do now.

Your sounds .... the initial faint beating of your heart, the un-reassuring monitors, the wailing newborn in the operating room, the coos and squeaks, the giggle, the dada's and the mama's ... I hope those things are engraved in my mind forever.

The reality of my life is completely different now - in the best possible way. I start each day and end each day with you. Your grin, your crazy hair, your tears - I've loved (most) every minute. The joy on your face when we meet after being apart warms my heart, and I hope you feel the same from me.

We are starting to see the person you are becoming, and not just the baby you are. I think your Dad would agree that this year has passed faster than any other, but we would not trade a single second. You are the perfect addition to our family and we can't imagine anyone else fitting as well.

I hope you always appreciate the wonder and joy in simple things, just as you do now.

I love you.

Mama