Purge

My Inbox is swallowing me alive. I used to pride myself on having no more emails in my Inbox than I could see on one screen. In the last few weeks, however, it has gotten completely out of control for reasons that are still unclear. I've been filing things away in my "blog to do" folder for that elusive day when I have time to blog. So, I'm just going to purge and link to a lot of things here that you may or may not find interesting. Or may or may not have time to read (I'm voting on "may not" - you won't hurt my feelings). Is it bad that cleaning out my Inbox feels like cleaning up my  house?

So, some reading for your relaxing Labor Day weekend plans at the pool. Wait ... are you doing that? Take me along.

What Should a 4-Year-Old Know: I think this is kind of viral on the Facebook, but was timely for me as I'm trying to restrain myself from worrying about Kindergarten ONE YEAR AWAY. (And also, a few concrete guidelines that help reign in my craziness).

Why I Am The Perfect Mother. God bless "average".

Child Safety: Stranger Danger Warning Needs Updating - I know I've posted about this before, but it is a conversation I need to keep having with Ellen. I like the ideas about teaching safety as a value, just like kindness and honesty and whatever else. Also, adding "Did anything happen today to make you feel uncomfortable?" to your standard questions about the day. And teaching about acceptable strangers.

"If my son wanted to dance, I would kill myself" - can't remember where I came across this, but nice story about celebrating the interests of your children.

Similarly, How Do You Teach The Beauty of Different - good tips.

The Last Time - also went kind of viral, but sweet and tear-inducing. I find myself compulsively documenting Georgia's sweet quirks these days, knowing that in the midst of all these developmental milestones, so many things will fall by the wayside.

How To Teach Kids To Say Sorry - We haven't really used "time out" for Ellen in years. On rare occasion when she is out of control, I do ask her to sit in a chair and calm down before coming back to talk with me. Most of the time, though, we talk things through and I explain why I am upset or frustrated with her behavior and I ask her how she could make a better choice next time. It works pretty well for us. The biggest AHA! I had lately, though, is that for your children to really learn the importance of apologizing, you need to apologize to them when appropriate. Not long ago, I lost my temper with Ellen during crazy-after-work-dinner-hour. I raised my voice and I don't think she expected it and she sulked away to the couch and cried quietly. I felt, in a word, terrible. I sat down for a snuggle and really apologized to her and explained why I had acted that way. Made us both feel better.

My Daughter Went Away to Camp and Changed - I've been very nostalgic for my days at Summer Camp lately. This was a nice article about the importance of activities that belong solely to your children and the happiness that comes with that freedom.

We Need To Talk About Race and How Do You Talk To Kids About Race? - I think a lot of good points here. This is something I fumble through with Ellen in our very homogeneous community. I mostly remember a part of the Nurture Shock book that  talks about the "being blind to color" approach and how it doesn't really work. You need to talk with your children about race and not let them draw their own conclusions. Another area in which I feel ill-equipped to be raising a responsible human being, but I will try my hardest.

Raising Safe Swimmers and Here Comes the Sunscreen (gallery of pics of parents putting sunscreen on kids). Summer's over? How? When?

Well, if you have a kid who started back to school, check this out: Crayola Starts a new Recycling Program

This Morning I Yelled - I've linked to Dash and Bella before, good recipes, great writing

 Great Artist Mom - fun blog by a gal who developed an art program for elementary students. She has good ideas for encouraging artistic behavior, and practical tips on supplies, and nice videos here and there on drawing. A little advanced for Ellen, but she likes to watch me and then color in my drawings. One big take away that we use: "You are the artist of your own paper". I'm trying to get Ellen to not be such a perfectionist with her art ... wonder where she gets that?

Three Huge Mistakes We Make in Leading Kids - Again, I see this so many places, the importance of specific praise for children, not just platitudes.

A reminder to Get In The Picture With Your Kids! We just had our latest round of family pics with our favorite photographer. I wanted to document Georgia as she has changed so much from December, but also to have pictures of me with the girls. I spend most of my days with them, yet have little documentation of that.

I bet you do this anyway - narrate your day to your baby - but this reinforces the importance! The Power of Talking to Your Baby.

Nice series on Slate: How Babies Work - lots of interesting articles on babies, American vs. other, and some science behind infant development and such.

Summer schedule?

Guess I'm taking a not-planned, but clearly obvious break from this here blog. I find that the recovery from all things involving two small children takes, like, weeks. I wouldn't say we've been all that busy, but we were out of town for a long weekend, followed by a week of swimming lessons every evening, followed by a sick baby and, well, I know you get it. Harried is an understatement.

A couple of updates:

One, Ellen's bedtime had degenerated into a mess. Georgia is so easy these days, but Ellen's bedtime routine just required so.much.energy from both Erik and me at the time of day it was hardest to muster. So - new plan. We have two "tokens" (random pieces of wood I dug out of her treasure box and labeled 1 and 2). We do the regular brush teeth / potty / PJs / book / bed and try to move it along. She has 2 tokens to start the night. She can leave her room for "free" to potty as long as she gets back in bed by herself. If she needs to talk to me or Erik she can spend a token to do so, but only has 2 passes. If she keeps her tokens, though, in the morning she gets 1 or 2 stars on her ice cream chart. (I drew a picture of ice cream and filled it with little circles where the stars go). When her chart is full, ICE CREAM! I do randomly give her a star during the day if she does something especially good without prompting, but it's mostly a bedtime thing. I've also taken away stars for especially bad behavior. One time I was going to take away a star and forgot and I told her later she was lucky. "Well, too late now, Mom. HA HA!!" So, I then I erased one for sass. It has actually worked pretty well - we will see for how long. She did ask Erik to come up and scratch her back the other night - "It was worth a token, Dad."

Georgia was sicky, sick this week - same usual respiratory crap. Pro tip for the future: if you own a nebulizer machine and have the meds at home, take it all with you to the doctor's office visit. You can use all your own stuff and save yourself the $$ of getting it there. DUH. I'm sure we will be back ...

And, some stuff I've come across:
Good Guard, Bad Guard - how to know if your lifeguard is doing a good job. Ellen took swimming lessons for a full week and made great progress, but is still not swimming. She is almost LESS safe in the water because she feels confidant, but doesn't yet understand about quickly going into deep water and such. I was watching her and within seconds she took a few steps into the deeper end and was underwater and panicking and my friend had to jump in and pull her out. Not good times.

Similar to the emergency link last time, tips on packing a Go Bag. We haven't done this and, truthfully, I kind of glaze over when I think about it because it seems so monumental. I have a goal of becoming much more paper-less with our important things, which fits nicely with this. A high school acquaintance recently had a bad house fire, which makes all of this feel more important. And, makes me feel that Ellen really is old enough to start talking about this stuff. Again, glazing over ...

Some of my best friends are germs - really interesting article in the New York Times about the microbiome. Well, interesting for you science-y folk. Most fascinating part to me? There are compounds in breastmilk that babies can't digest, but they are specifically intended to nourish good bacteria in the baby's gut. Amazing.

Why Women Aren't Crazy - interesting article, with a take-away message of using caution in how you address your children, girls in particular. I find myself often telling Ellen - "you are so dramatic!" and over time, I think it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm trying to be more aware of what I say to her or how I describe her actions.

Finally, there was a nice article in Parents magazine this month about encouraging kindness in your children - teaching it as a skill, just as you would responsibility and independence and such. For those of you who have time to read, it lists two interesting-sounding books: Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, and Becoming the Parent You Want to Be. It basically talks about listening to your kids - is their complaint about a tummy ache or hurt toe masking their desire for an extra snuggle or some special attention? Also, cultivating a culture of cooperation - helping your kids pick-up. Essentially, if there is a situation where you would normally like some help for yourself, do the same for your children. I must say that I'm probably not good at this - it would be kinder of me to offer to help Ellen at times, and then hope my example encouraged her to do the same for others. And, being kind to yourself - taking time to do nice things for yourself is part of taking care of your family.

At it again ...

I have little of consequence to report; just been the typical routine around here. I'm the sick one this time and - newsflash - your kids are happy to bring home germs AND they don't give two shits that you are sick. I'm wearing my OLD glasses this weekend because I have pinkeye and Georgia can't seem to figure out who I am. Ellen, on the other hand, thinks I look like a newscaster.

I moved Georgia to a four schedule, which is really so great. I remember dreaming of this when I was up so frequently with her during the night when she was a newborn. Following the trend, I worried about it much less this go round ... just casually moved her evening feedings closer together and added some more milk to her school bottles, then just dropped a feeding and she was fine. No biggie. I think she is seriously the most flexible child of all times. I kept pumping before I went to bed to maintain a 5th "feeding", but wasn't getting much milk for the effort. I had such a crazy milk supply with Ellen that my benchmark is skewed and I feel like I don't have enough, yet I'm still putting a little milk in the freezer at the end of each week. I decided to stop with the pumping on most nights and we'll see how it goes.

Her napping is generally quite good. Not at school, mind you, but her Thursdays and Fridays are usually great when she is home. Then Saturdays and Sundays are a little less predictable because she is well-rested, then the process starts all over. The new 4-hour schedule has messed with our dinnertime a bit, as she is zombie-like after school and requires a lot of attention right when we need to get dinner on the table. When Ellen was a baby, I would just put her down and then Erik and I would eat later. Now, we need to feed Ellen and then start the bedtime charade, so there is no time to eat later. Oh well - just another transition. When she is really sitting up and eating some finger foods in a few months, I think we'll be good.

Speaking of finger foods - I'm flying with Georgia next week solo on a trip to visit my girlfriends. I've flown with Ellen solo, but always had food and toys to keep her entertained. Not this time ... send your happy-flying-baby vibes this way, s'il vous plait.

And, per usual, a few more things I've been reading. Do you like this and/or find it interesting?
The Ringya App via Cool Mom Tech - organize groups of school/sports contacts easily
Helicopter Parents are Everywhere, Except Where They're Needed Most - an interesting column on child and car seat safety in response to a viral kid video
A good response to the Victoria's Secret tween-undie scandal via Mom101 -  and, can I say, SOOO not looking forward to the teenage girl years
Why Suckable Fruit Sucks - interesting commentary on a generation of children who eat much of their food from pouches
Related, from Dinner: A Love Story - How to talk to your kids about healthy eating -  I like the "sometimes food" description
And another from them, Dinner: A Love Story - 100 Rules of Dinner

And, finally, I liked this column by Erin Loechner on being a first time mom and creating a baby registry. I have a similar feeling when I read back through early entries on this blog looking to see how I did things the first time. I hope it didn't come across as preachy and know-it-all, but maybe it did. It seems that way to me, at least, a lot of the time. I just think there is something about being a first-time parent and trying to figure it all out (as if it's even realistic to think you can) and for me it was  helpful to process things by writing. If anyone else benefited, even better. So ... thanks for "listening" back then. And still.

Wah wah

We went through the exercise of setting up our will / trust / power of attorney documents when Ellen was about 10 months old and we were about to (both) leave on a plane to Hawaii. On our list of things to do is updating those documents to reflect the addition of Georgia (something I don't think my parents did until my younger sister was, oh, about 21-years-old). In a "the truth really is stranger than fiction" kind of way, our original lawyer is not currently practicing due to a murder charge, so we are looking for a new lawyer. Suggestions?

I came across this blog on Twitter and thought it was worth passing along. I haven't explored it all, but seems worthwhile and a good reminder if nothing else.

Get Your Shit Together - written by a woman whose husband died suddenly detailing the documents she wished she had

Links for you

I have a lot of time to read, but turns out, not so much time to think or write. Though, I am reading less in the middle of the night during feedings - hooray!

So, here are some articles that I thought were worth sharing ...

Hair Day via The Hairpin - the honestly made me laugh out loud and I am not much of a LOL-type person

7 New Mom Essentials I Never Knew I Needed - I second her thoughts on lanolin and nursing tanks and I need to get me some concealer. I have not yet mastered reading actual books as she does ...

On Advice To Kids via The Awl - nice piece written by a gal who (it seems) doesn't have children, but portrays kids and parents very honestly. I especially liked this advice: "That sometimes not only you, but every other single person you might look to, has absolutely no idea what to do. No one."

Coping with Sleep Deprivation via The Happiest Mom -  For sure, the sleep deprivation this time around was the very most challenging thing we faced with Georgia. And, she is a good sleeper! I just totally forgot what it was like to be in a daze all the time and it made me more grouchy and less patient at the worst possible time. And I agree with her sentiments on "sleep when the baby sleeps" - easier said than done.

How I stopped worrying and learned to love The American Girl Doll  via Mom101 - very timely for us as Ellen is obsessed. I still think she is a little young for one of these dolls, but will likely get one some day. Nice perspective here.

You don't need my permission, but you have it anyway via Rookie Moms - like the sentiment here, especially because Georgia was taking ALL of her naps in her swing. It started out that she would nap in her boppy or vibrating chair or swing. She was sometimes swaddled, sometimes not. Sometimes swinging, sometimes not. Then eventually it became swaddle-swing-sleep and it worked well for us because it was easy. She slept fine in her bed at night so I wasn't too worried, but it still seemed like something I shouldn't be doing. But, you know what? You do what you have to do. She is now taking most of her daily naps in her bed and there was no transition issue - phew.

Empathy

I should really just change the name of this blog to "Go Read Dinner: A Love Story". They had a great post today on the importance of being empathetic and how it relates to bullying during Bullying Prevention Month. I love many of their recipes, but their book recommendations are just as spot-on.

Here is the post: The Importance of Being Empathetic
(be sure to read the comments, too, for some more recommendations, especially for younger kids)

One of our great friends recently recommended Wonder and I've been meaning to read it. Well, when I start reading again. Which is certainly not a reflection on the subject matter, but, well, you know ...

Also, it seems pretty timely at our house as I've noticed that Ellen seems to really be noticing differences in people around us when we're shopping or running errands or whatever ... the older girl with Down syndrome at the park or the adult with dwarfism at Costco. As a genetic counselor I feel that I should really have a better response to these sorts of things, and I DO feel confidant in having discussions with her about differences in people, but it's the caught-in-the-moment that I'm struggling with a bit.

Also, if you're interested in this sort of thing, you might find another blog interesting - This Little Miggy Stayed Home. I found her blog a couple of years ago from some other blog (isn't that always the way) when she was pregnant with her second daughter who was found to have limb differences prenatally. Admittedly, I find this kind of thing more interesting than most people, but she is a good writer (and crafty!) and it's nice to follow their daughter's achievements. Further, she started a semi-regular feature - the Special Needs Spotlight. Again, I find this interesting / important from a work perspective, but it occurs to me that it also works from the "teaching empathy" perspective. Many of the mothers comment on reactions to their child and how they wish people would react. Worth noting ...

So much ....

So much time, so little to do.

Wait, reverse that.

(Willy Wonka, anyone??)

Anywho, we gots a lot going on, just like, oh, everyone else I know.

I came across this post on my very favorite Dinner: A Love Story, which you must already be reading because I post about it all the time. Just in case, though ...
How to Nurture Talent (Without Being a Psycho Parent)

I would like to read this book (someday when I start reading again) and I must say that a quick skim of the article rang true to me about the "pay attention to what your kid stares at". Ellen participated in dance this summer - 1 hour and 20 minutes of tap, ballet and an art project. We dropped her off every Saturday morning for like 9 weeks and weren't allowed to watch, so I have no idea what transpired there. We would ask her how dance was, or to show us what she learned, and she never engaged. (The first rule of dance class is not to talk about dance class). She almost never talked about it outside of Saturday mornings, though did comment repeatedly on the art projects she brought home. I asked her if she wanted to continue for the rest of the year or if she would like to try something different ... she thought art class sounded better. :)

(We are not enrolled in art class, but that is a story for another time).

Also, to bastardize a quote I read (sleepily) last night in Parents Magazine, "behavior is the language that your child is most fluent in". Totally caught my eye and seems totally true to me. I am the parent of an EXTREMELY verbal child, but even still, I think most kids express their core desires / wants / needs in behaviors and I need to do a better job about reading into the meaning behind the whining. See a similar post here from Motherhood Uncensored about The Other Side.

Some light reading

I'm waist deep (belly deep?) in projects this weekend - making lists and lists and lists! I woke up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night this week and then spent the next 1 1/2 hours planning Ellen's birthday party in my head. Nesting - UGH - though rather productive, I must admit. I've also already purchased half of my Christmas gifts - jealous?  :)

Here is a link to a good article on 7 Lessons Your Daughter Needs You To Teach Her. And, the photograph just happens to be from yours truly of two of our favorite people!

Also, came across this on Flipboard last night from Parenting magazine ... What Teachers Wish Parents Knew about Kindergarten. We aren't there yet (phew!), but thought there were some interesting points, especially on teaching your kids how to make friends and be social.

In other random news, if you're looking for a Halloween bucket for this year, Land's End has some new cute ones that are like their tote bags that I am generally obsessed with. Yes, I will be working on Ellen's Halloween costume this weekend. Nesting!

Tricky people

I came across this in the wormhole that is Pinterest. I admittedly haven't really explored it, but it seemed like a good thing worth sharing.

I have had some of this same difficulty in explaining the concept of a "stranger" to Ellen. Same with "bad guy" (or "bad lady", I suppose). I think around age 3 they start to develop a concept of "bad guy" from movies and books, which is most certainly not what a "bad guy" in real life will look like.

Tricky People are the New Strangers

You have to get it wrong before you get it right

I'm in the midst of spray painting furniture and arranging art for walls ... two rooms to get ready for one Big and one Little and, seemingly, no time for blogging!

Interesting article via Design Mom and The New York Times on

Raising Successful Children

Just buy it

How are you all approaching chores / allowance / teaching the value of money??

We have just started having some of the, "Well, you can just buy it" or "just pay for it, Mom" comments from Ellen when she asks for something and I tell her no. It is time to start working on teaching the value of money, but I'm not sure the best way to approach it all.

I casually asked her if she would like to do some chores, like making her bed or emptying the dishwasher, for some nickels and dimes. She was all about it. I didn't mention anything else, but the next morning she made her bed without prompting and yesterday she came to help me unload the dishwasher. She kept saying "I need to do my chapters. I need to finish these chapters!" and I was so confused ... took me a minute ... "chores??" I asked. Oh, yes, chores. :)

So, I thought I would come up with some casual chart and give her some coins to put in a piggy bank, but the more I researched it for ideas, the more confused I got. Not surprisingly, there are all kinds of opinions on the best way to do this. Here are the challenges I see:

1. Let's be real - I will be in charge of remembering to do this, so it needs to be simple.

2. Some people are very opposed to rewarding "expected" behaviors with money. So, for example, I do expect that Ellen will make her bed and pick up her toys and clear her dishes at some point - those are normal parts of being a human being - but I'm not sure I see a problem with a monetary reward for those activities at age 3.

3. Some people don't want to provide an "allowance", i.e. money that is just given without being tied to a specific activity. They do, however, reward specific tasks, above and beyond the expected tasks, with money. Like working in the yard, or folding laundry, or whatever.

4. A lot of people want to enforce the habit of saving and giving to charity, which I like. But if the monetary reward is 10 cents, how do you split that up into different banks? With pennies?

5. At what point do you let your child bust into their bank and buy something? I think there is value in making decisions about spending money, and even making bad choices so you don't do it the next time, but if Ellen wants a Barbie (which I don't intend to buy her), it's going to take A LOT of bed making at 5 cents a pop to earn a reward. Will she get bored and lose interest?

I don't recall how my parents approached this, but I do think I have a healthy respect for money and savings. I had my first checking account in probably 5th or 6th grade and I diligently balance my checkbook every month. I had an allowance in high school, and I also worked after school and on weekends, and I was responsible for paying for most of my fun and probably some of my clothes. I was never paid for good grades - those were expected - and I had a lot of household tasks that were my responsibility and I lost privileges if I didn't do them. Oh the days of losing phone privileges! I was discussing this with my mom and I think she could see me spiraling out of control and we changed the subject. :)

So - deep breath - this isn't a life or death matter. I think I may start with a small chart with some basic tasks that get rewarded with money. Ellen is young. As she grasps the concept, then I think we can move some of those tasks into the "expected household behavior" category and add new tasks to her list. Once she starts to grasp the idea of money, then I think we can add a savings and charity component.

I did see this idea on Pinterest from The Creative Mama on easy sticker charts. It looks simple and I like the idea of just basically rewarding good behavior in any form, but it doesn't involve the money component that I'm looking for. Maybe down the road ....

Tips? Thoughts? Am I too early on this at age 3 1/2??

(Edited to add: another good post on Dinner: A Love Story about some similar issues - my mom and sister were telling me about The New Yorker article, in particular).

Balance

Great series on Cup of Jo this week on work-life balance for moms ... check it out here.

I must say, most days I feel super, super lucky to have the option to work part time at a job I really love. Three days of work is the ideal for me and our family. Ellen has a spot in a daycare that we have been really happy with and, while not perfect, I don't think any child-care situation is perfect. Even when you're exclusively doing it yourself!

I find it so interesting to read about other families and how they make their lives work. Last year, Joanna did a series on work-from-home moms. I would also find it really interesting to read about stay-at-home moms because, for the life of me, I don't know how you do it!

The wisdom of Will Smith

Not sure how I feel about Will Smith in general, but came across this quote this week and thought it was pretty much spot-on (regarding their tween-age daughter shaving her head):

"We let Willow cut her hair. When you have a little girl, it's like how can you teach her that you're in control of her body? If I teach her that I'm in charge of whether or not she can touch her hair, she's going to replace me with some other man when she goes out in the world. She can't cut my hair but that's her hair. She has got to have command of her body. So when she goes out into the world, she's going out with a command that it is hers. She is used to making those decisions herself. We try to keep giving them those decisions until they can hold the full weight of their lives."

In the terribleness of all the Sandusky trial lately, I have been reading stories here and there about adults who had experiences with assault as children or young adults. Not an on-going abuse situation, but having an inappropriate experience with a friend's parent or a trusted adult or a bullying situation that went just a step too far. What was striking to me is how many people never told their parents for fear of ruining a family or friend relationship, or feeling like they could handle it on their own, even as a 12- or 16-year-old. It was very surprising to me and so sad. I think (hope) that every parent wants their child to feel like they can tell them anything, but how exactly do you teach that?

There is some commercial on TV right now with two teenage boys and one of them wrecks their car and says, "My dad is going to KILL me." There is such a fine line between instilling fear in your children and making them too fearful to tell you when something bad happens or is about to happen. I want my children to learn responsibility and good decision making and when things are fun and when fun borders on dangerous. I also want them to learn that there are SO, SO many things worse than upsetting your parents. Hair grows back, cars can be fixed, tattoos can be lasered off (right?). There are many other things not so easily fixed. I want them to know that we will listen first, hug first, help first - disappointment and discipline have a place, too, but those things can wait.

Only if you're doing it right

I know I've mentioned the Dinner: A Love Story blog many times before, but it remains one of my very favorites. I have tried, and had success with, many of their recipes. I love their philosophy on family dinner. They have great book recommendations for kids. They write a column in Bon Appetit! Consider me smitten.

Their book comes out today - you can read more about it here and order through Amazon or Barnes & Noble. (I pre-ordered, thankyouverymuch).

Another blog that I really like, and may or may not have mentioned, is Momfilter. It's updated a few times a week and just has snippets about things you might care about - parties, entertainment, home, food, style - along with some great kid pictures and usually a feature or two about an "interesting" mom. If I'm honest, these features can almost border on making me feel like an inadequate human being, but then they often come around to the point where I can see that these (gorgeous / glamorous / smart) women are just moms like me and have the same issues.

Case in point: Jenny Rosenstrach, the author of Dinner: A Love Story, is the featured mother this week. She has some good ideas, there is a great picture of some hand-drawn recipes inside a cabinet door, and the clincher for me at the end: My daughters are close in age so when they were little I remember turning to my mother-in-law and telling her, “I had no idea how hard this was.” And my mother-in-law said, “Only if you’re doing it right.”

You can read the full story here: We Want to Know More About - Jenny Rosenstrach

Tips and such

I was at a meeting this week (one of those get-your-child-from-school-shove-food-in-your-faces-thank-your-mother-for-babysitting-and-out-the-door kind of meetings) and the outgoing president of the organization said something that really stuck with me.

To paraphrase, she said "I feel immensely satisfied with this year. I wasn't aiming for perfection - perfect isn't a fair expectation. I was aiming for progress, and I think we accomplished that."

It stuck with me, as a self-proclaimed perfectionist, that YES, IT'S TRUE, "perfect" is rarely ever a fair thing to expect of yourself or others, especially when it comes to child-raising (or just keeping your children alive on any particular day - we've all been there).

As an example, our morning routine after moving Ellen to the big girl bed has been dicey at best. We are trying very hard to enforce the "stay in your room quietly until the cow dances" rule (6:30am), but it isn't really going well. Ells typically wakes up in the late 5's or early 6's to go to the bathroom. I can't deny her that, so I wake up to the pitter patter of her feet racing down the hallway, then she goes potty, puts her diaper in the trash and gets some undies from her room. At that point she is pretty much awake, but we send her back to her room to wait "patiently". Mostly this involves singing and storytelling. She occasionally gets quiet, but today it was a full-on tap show with high heels and dress up clothes. At 6:12am. I blame this behavior on her father, a mostly-earlybird and former childhood "class clown" who believes he spent time with the principal because he was a snappy dresser and fun to be around. You see what I'm up against here?

So, again, the theme for the day is  ... aim for progress. This might involve some kind of personal nightlight / flashlight to encourage reading in bed without turning on every light upstairs. Will keep you posted.

In other news, a couple of things I think you might find interesting if you are reading on the beach or at the lake this holiday weekend, you lucky dog:

Ain't No Mom Jeans: Ten Tips for Flying Alone with Kids - now, if I could just get a vacation, we would be set.

Momastery: Whack-A-Mole - I don't read this blog often, but a few of her posts have gone kind of viral and a friend posted this on facebook. A funny, perfect, description of bedtime.

And, finally, in this graduation season - David Foster Wallace's Commencement Speech from Kenyon College in 2005. I don't think I am smart enough or cool enough to really "get" David Foster Wallace. I tried to read Confederacy of Dunces and then didn't finish. Not even close. There used to be a time in my life when I felt more comfortable analyzing literature and the arts, but this ain't that time. Nonetheless, I came across this in 2008 when the author died and thought it was worth reading. Maybe you will, too.

Worth reading

Hey! Guys! I finally read a BOOK! And, it didn't even have pictures!

I've discovered my problem with reading is that I just add it on to the end of my day, after doing all the other things I want / need to do. So - I get in bed and ponder "read" vs. "sleep" and sleep almost always wins. If I would just read at another point in the day, I think I could fix this problem. Alas, baby steps.

A friend gifted me with The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. I know I'm late to the game on this one, and I've always wanted to read it, but again I have my internal debate of "read about a dying father" vs. "sleep" and I think you can guess what happens.

I finally bit the bullet this week and was so glad I did. Yes, there were parts that made me sob (get your kleenex), but there were also funny parts and aha! parts. I generally cry at the drop of a hat, but now that I work with a lot of young people with cancer, these kinds of stories are more personally touching to me and I feel it's a more important perspective for me to have.

I certainly can't eloquently summarize the book, but I think one of the main points is to either Get Busy Living, or Get Busy Dying. He talks about the inspirations in his life - his wonderful parents, great coaches and teachers - and it was a nice reminder to cultivate those same things in your own child's life. I was also so touched by the tangible memories he left for his children in the form of notes and letters and stories and experiences. I sincerely, truthfully, honestly hope that no one I love finds themselves in a similar situation, but also - what are we waiting for? It shouldn't take a terminal diagnosis of cancer to make great memories for your children. His kids were so young, but I think every child would love to have snapshots of their childhood and funny stories, even if they have the gift of their parents to a ripe old age. For example, he wrote that Diane Sawyer suggested that he write letters to his children describing the very unique, funny things he loved about them ... not just the first steps, first tooth, but the funny crease over their nose when they laughed, or a funny joke they liked to tell, or whatever the case may be.

Take the time, don't put on any mascara, and give it a read. I think you'll be happy you did.

Mothering

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day. Our day was typical / simple, which was just right. I find that the older I get, the more perspective I have on Mother's Day as something more than an occasion for brunch and cards. I feel profoundly grateful to have the opportunity to mother my own child, and so lucky to have my mother and mother-in-law in my life. Erik and I were raised by strong, loving mothers and I am surrounded by friends who are amazing mothers. If I can take a bit of that and pass it on to Ellen, I will feel successful in this very hard and immensely important job.

I had the "opportunity" to do a lot of mothering yesterday. Ellen was up late, having a marvelous time, at a party on Saturday night and my experience predicted we would pay for it for day(s). She had a mediocre quiet time, but seemed to rally and was cuddling on the couch with me just moments before spitting in my face and wrestling me like Hulk Hogan. She was un-containable, un-consolable, un-happy. I knew she was just plain exhausted and it took every ounce of my being to try to get her to calm down.

She finally - for one of the few times in her life - just said, "I'm so tired!". And, of course, she was far beyond the point of falling asleep on her own and just begged me to help her, help her, help her fall asleep. I laid with her and scratched her back "under" (under her shirt), and scratched her head "not there, all over", and patted her back "like this, harder". She drifted off to sleep probably 8 times, then woke every time I inched out of her bed and pleaded with me again. She finally feel asleep and was an improved version of her 3-year-old self upon waking.

I felt needed, as though it was a job only I could do at that moment, and I strained to see the beauty of the moment through my tired eyes and exasperation. She is increasingly independent, in ways that are wonderful to watch, but it's nice to be reminded that she is my baby, and always will be, no matter how big she gets.

Safety first

Interesting article on playground safety and not sliding down slides with your children. I swear I know someone this happened to, but can't recall the details ....

A Surprising Risk for Toddlers on Playground Slides

Pay off

You know when you're in the midst of making dinner, fighting the Easter candy battle, stepping on toy fragments and generally up to your ears in parenthood?

And then - THEN - you find yourself smack in the middle of one of those moments that makes it all worth it?

I mentioned that we were going to try reading chapter books and it has actually been a success. Ellen loves to snuggle up and listen and generally pays attention, though the reading comprehension isn't all that great. :) We started with Matilda by Roald Dahl, which is one of my all-time favorites from childhood. She likes the story (after some editing by me) and I found the old movie on TV this week and recorded it.

Ellen got to watch a bit before bed tonight ... she snuggled up in my lap, asked lots of questions about the nice people and the mean Mrs. Trunchbull, and I generally LOVED every second of it.

Sh*t Urban Moms Say

I have to admit, I'm kind of a fan of these "Sh*t ____ Says" videos. I need a bit of chuckle in my life, right? RIGHT?

Dig in: